Only me alone

hahaha.. i already know.. even i canot go ur house this week.. u also ok with this.. u never ask about saturday how or what... ahhaha...
really..everytime, also i hope to go u there right? u only ok ok right?

i eithier got go or nt u also wont care much..is like..i want to go a.. go lor..

haha..2night i cant celebrate with u.. u also ok..
i really tot u end work earlier..u will come n find me ..since u cant acc me tonight.. end up..i think too much again..

mayb u will say..yesterday u also end work earlier..but u find me..i am not happy.. thats y u wont come 2day..

haha..yesterday is because i know u still ned to work 2day.. why every time i explain u also dotn understand...

hmm..i wont hope to celebrate any event with u anymore.. everytime also get hurt d... heart very pain right now...

really hope to cry out loud ...

hope to tel you~~~

"i hope u celebrate with me for this new year eve.."

this is what i hope to tell u, but i dont hope to influent ur feeling..thats y i dint tell u..
dono le.. seem like u celebrate with ur friend without me..u also can be happy to play with.. enjoy all the way..

haha.. why i like a mommy.. like very worry on a son will be lonely or not when he 1st enter kindergarden.. that kind of feel..stupid me

hmmm..hmmm.. feel so bad right now..keep crying o.. crying is because.. i really do not know why i am so stupid..do not know what i wan..

i am clear that now u choose to go genting.. sure u will join them..u wont come bbq.. or wont ask me to join u as well..

but dono why..i like hope that u maybe will join bbq or ask me go along with u..

but hor.. i really hope u do what u want..

i also tell myself.. dint celebrate togather nia ..ntg geh... anniversary also dint celebrate togather la... and if i go genting..sure cherlene n yean ree wont go for the bbq ad.. coz they go is bcoz of me.. i really.....

haizzz... i hate myself.. i also dono what i want..

why i always like this..make u sanfu saja..

no wonder u like ephine more than me..

i also hate myself ad...

feel so regret!!!!

really sorry, I really dint meant to tell u all those feeling..

honestly, i feel do not know how.. when i really hope to spend time with u for this new year eve.. end up.. i know u are suffer, because u need to choose between me n ur friends.. thats y i help u to choose.. u know.. act i really thought i can eat baskin robin icecream with u tomorrow night.. ass u promise me..

i want u to go stay with ur friends because i know, there is very hard for u to meet all ur friends.. just.. i really think that.. if we dint be togather tomorrow.. then is ok..just..friday and saturday onwards..there is no point for me to go ur house..

i do not know hot to say the feeling..

i also hope to go genting with u.. just..i really promise to mei mun ad.. she want to cancle this plan ad d.. just because u also keep say her house will be better..then she allow to bbq at her house.. i feel uncomfortable if we dint go.. i really do not know how to tell u this.. because i really scare we will argue when we discuss about this..

just now.. after i told u all my feeling.. u dint answer me one words.. and when u fetch me back.. u straight away sent me home.. u never wana hold my hand.. i already know i hurt u..

even i sms u now.. u reply ok only..

i am really sorry... just i hope to tell u my feeling..

i do not want the feeling change untill i really give up.. we cant be togather anymore..only i tell u all this.. i really hope there is still chances to settle all this..

i already do not know what i am talking.. all i wan to say is sorry...

last day for 2009

hmm hmm hmm.. at first i thought i will celebrate new year eve with u..
christmas day, u said u are busy.. there is no choice.. we really simply celebrate the christmas.. i really looking forward on tomorrow..

i thought atleast we can celebrate togather..

when u told me that ur friends asked u to join them to genting.. i already know how much u hope to go for that..

thats y i make decision, u follow them to genting, while i stay at kl to celebrate with our coursemate.. i do not know this decision is good or bad..

just..honestly.. i really dont hv much feeling.. when i ask u to celebrate with ur fen.. i dont really feel sad... maybe is because.. i already immune with all this bah..

alot of ur promises.. at last.. will be a break promises..
even i request a card from u.. end up.. i really dint get it.. that christmas was the last day i feel sad when u break ur promises..

i know.. this time.. u dint break ur promise.. u really got ask me where u should go..

just vyen ah.. i do not know how to tell u..sometime.. i really hope.. you.. yourself.. have the feeling feel like wana do something for me..some decision u shud make..

not i request...not i decide..

warmest gift

This few day, we do really met up and feel so comfortable.
Even we still got some emotion feeling, but atleast we wont argue much. We are now learning how to listen to other.

I am really happy. i found back my heart towards u. that night, when u come and find me, once u saw me, giave me a big hug, and keep telling me how much u love me. at 1st i really stun, because u really dint act like that before. That night, i keep remind it once and once again..

Honestly, i still doubt on you, but the next da, u are the same, and the day after, u still purposely come and find me just want to have more time with me. I really feel my heart again.

Especially when u asked me, when i will marry u, at first, i really thought u are kidding. end up, u keep remind me and really chat with me on that.

u know, i keep ask myself, can i really believe on u this time?

I really do not know how it will go, as i promise u, no mater how, i will do my best. to gambateh with u.

complicated christmas day

last christmas, the 1st time i celebrate christmas with boyfriend..i am very excited..but end up, we argue untill want to break up, and i had a sad christmas.
i dont get any present or card from you.. and u told me wait till next year. u would gv extra present for me..

This year, i really hope i can have a different and happy christmas. everything goes smoothly, when u told me u dint prepare a present, i said is ok, i just want a card from u, a card made by u. untill yesterday, i still keep hints u i want a card only.. end up, u really dint prepare a card for me.. no present for this christmas as well..

honestly, i do not know why i am so care on a present.. just.. except my birthday present, i really dont get any other present or hand made thing from u..

christmas, valentine, aniversary.. i dont hv any thing can keep..this is a important memory of me.. 1st time i celebrate all this with my love 1.. and.. i do not know how to say..even anniversary u are not at malaysia.

i really do not know why i so mind of it..really.. i hope i can be more ok..

hahaha..but honestly..i really enjoy the christmas with u, even though i know that 25th u need to attend ur boss bachelor night.. i also think that is enof for me that u celebrate with me..accompany me.. i really feel ok..happy that this year christmas..atleast we are not argueing..

untill i ter-saw something.. all teh gifts she present to u.. and u keep in the cupboard and put it all nicely..i am kinda sad..really...even the things i present to u ..u also do not know where u put..and what i present u also forgot.. when i looking at all this present she sent u..i really felt... sanfu..it reminds me alot of thing..

haiz..all i want for this christmas is.. u can accompany me.. not rush like today..
i really feel sorry that u ned to sent me home then rush to go ur boss there.. i dont talk in the car and act sleeping is because i do not know what i can say..really

i feel sumthong.. when i keep find a way out to help u up..i tot ask u fetch me to midvalley, will be better, atleast u no need rush to ur boss there..or i go out with fren, u sent me back later..i keep think the best way..but..what i do..is only making u feel that i am "3 xin liang yi"..when i hear this..i really..feel speechless...

i am so useles.. only burden u.. want u acc me..wan u sent me home.. alot request..

vye, i feel sanu..honstly..i really feel sanfu..i do not know how o forgot her existing.. forgot what u had done.. a little single thing..will make me remember of something...

i feel sanfu..when i scare that r u lie to me again..or when we are not really happy that time..wil u find her..

why i dont trust u..i hate myself...

why i requested so much on u? why u dint present me..i will think alot? why u got a msg..i will scare is her..
why we not argue as much as last time..can say we really chat nicely ad..i still scare u will find out u love her more?

why i cant just believe that u love me... only me?

miscommunication

We had a 3d2n trip at.. klang.. haha
honestly, i am very happy that i can relax and have u accompany me for 3 days. but once again, we argue. i really keep wonder, what happen to me? why i will keep remind of something bad? why dont i remember only the thing that u make me happy?

that day, i ask u, why dont u understand me, i really dont like u contact with her. this is what u promise me. do u know, it is NOT THE MATTER that, what is the contain that make u REPLY her.. IS u PROMISE me ad u wont reply..

honestly.. when u reply her, at the situation that when she said something that u think there is a must u need to reply.. i UNDERSTAND.. i dint angry u reply her.. really ... is when u start reply her ONE.. then she keep sms, then u keep reply.. understand mah? vyen,how i should tell u to make u understand this?

that day, when u ask me, isit she wana jump down i also not alow u find her..my heart really pain.. i really do not know that, in your heart, i am this kind of people, a devil people.

i really understand when u said there is a must that u need to reply her.. is just.. THERE IS NOT A NECCESARY THAT U NEED TO REPLY HER ALL THE TIME.

yea. mayb for u, u think that u already "fu yan" her. but why i need to STOP contact with him while u can reply in "fu yan" way?

when he called me, u said u wana answer. u ask me " why i canot answer? " ...
VYEN, then why i canot answer ephine call?

this really make me sad.. but.. i dint show up anything.. because..i really dont hope to argue..

this few day.. the way u treat me different already.. u really less sms me..like u did last week.. am i think too much? too sensitive?

i am so sorry..really sorry..i really feel sorry... but.. i canot stop it..

last time.. when i start feel the different..i ask u..and u answer me the different thing.. end up i found out is a lie...

i very scare...really scare..the feeling make me feel hard....

no title

what title i shud put?

no idea..

said ad will acc me this few day..end up..2moro i only see u at the noon time.. do not know..

i dint really feel good.. maybe i am really pain..and u dint even ask me how i feel.. i asked u few time what time u find me..and u dint answer..
u find me after 2 pm..we meet them 5 pm...do i hv enof time to buy present?

why everytime also like this geh?why i alwats tot nt enof time..while u tot alot of time..

i tot is important..u tot not//

yea..when with u//really felt happy..bt sometimes..i also hope to do sometging 2gather//nt really shoping..mayb just a walk also ok./.nt really hug n sleep whole day enof...

i do not know what i wan..just..i feel sad...dont 1 to talk o u anymore..

i saturday mayb got work//shud i stay u there?

i do not know..sometime i really feel..only i hope to spend more time with u..

LAST christmas...

just now.. few of my friends ask me.. what i get from u last christmas..i said dont hv..

hehe..abit sad le..dono, when tim asked me..did vyen present u flower before..i answered nope.. i dint.. he ask me do i wish to have 1..yes ofcoz..just..i am gal..i also wan face..i wont tell that i hope to have one..

he dint [resent me..ntg i can say right..

isit so important to get 1? i do not know.. is just.. curious bah..everyone will have one ..bt i dint.. how it would feel?

i dont even get a christmas card or gift..dono le..

mayb i shudnt think so much bah..hehe..

guai la...

feeling bad

earlier in the morning, i am suppose to have a interview. end up i beong scold that i am late, because someone make mistake.. OMG..

then keep thinking wana find u yo have a lunch togather, because i am wearing very formal 2day.. but i wait n wait under the sun.. n u still can gv me a propraite answer that u can have liunch with me or nt..

hinestly..i feel sad.. i am really not well..especially i keep stand under the hot sun.. and worry got thief..because there really dangerous..

end up.. still i am the one making decision that we dont meet..really feel abit dissapointed.. honestly..some time i hope u can decide as wel..is both of our thing.. nt only me alone..

wei..tell u lor.. i got plan to give u surprise 2day d..when u end work that time..
i take ktm to ur house there..thn call u ask u reach klang ad or nt..hahaha..

but canot lo.. my stomach really pain today..even when i walk home.. i need to rest a long time only i can continue..bt u dont even feel about it..haha..when noon..start feel cold..then my leg started pain crazy lor.. is really pain..i can even walk fast.. stomach n leg pain..make me really dono how.. end up dint yamcha also..tot u will home earlier or keep call me..

bt end up..also i am the one keep kacau u..haiz haiz..why i always kacau har? control abit pls..k...control...

dont always mah fan ppl..pls

just wish u could be here

another night, i feel unsecure, feels bad.. untill i cant sleep..

i do not know how to explain the feeling..

even when i fall asleep. i still will wake up ..is like scare me up..

i really scare this feeling..

just now..i really feel uncomfortable..i call u..

maybe u are jus too tired..even i said i am not feeling well..

u dint really comfort me..

i know u r tired.. just..

i really hope atleast u can concerntrate talking with me awhile..

the feeling is really bad.. i just hope u..

nothing

crying....

again.. a crying night..

u will never understand me.. i really do not know what else i can say..

always be reason and really alot thing..

no matter is her or the sleep earlier..

still contact with her..this is ur patern..i hear this.. i really cry non stop..

my patern is flirt wit hguy who sayang me..can i do so?

wan u sleep earlier..u alot reason n thing really wan to do..

i really understand..

bt..i canot accept..

but now onwards.. i will stop saying anything k..

bro..where r u? i really hope to talk to some1..i am so.........

There is alot of things i gotto say

"please sleep earlier"
"is ur proposal need to finish by today?"
"what i can help u up?"
"gambateh for ur proposal.i will wait u finish we sleep togather.."
"gah yao gah yao o..."

"said ad u must go home earlier.. said ad u got work ned to do, i really dont hope u always so late sleep, everytime hear u said u drive in sleeping mode... i am really worry.."

"dont talk shit with me that u will b fine or how good u in driving please..i am not kidding.. please sleep more..."

please sleep please sleep..

in our topic..alot of sleep.. i said it till i sien..

i ask u earlier home..everytime make us argue.. sometime i really hope..i dont 1 care too much bout u..what time u wan home..ur mom also dint say anything..what the hell i so ganjiong for? har?

sum... who r u? what the fuck that u so ganjiong for?

ntg to chat now??? feel good?

why i got nothing to chat with u? simple...
because..i really dono what i can say..just now ask u dont go yamcha..i will angry..u go.. i know u sure ned to do something..now ok lo..good lo 1.30 am..u still got thign to do..cant sleep now..

then now? u mah ned to rush ur work..n tell me, u canot sleep earlier..whats the point i keep ask u sleep earlier?

said also said ad lo..ask u dont go lo..now go jo lo..u got thing to do..ask u sleep earlier u also cant lo.. if i continue say..also no point..so?

what else i can say to u?

i really do not know wor.. really ntg i can say..this time.. really nothing jo...

Over again

make promises everyday..

u always break it on the next day..

hope to tell u my heart will fade away..

when u will know that i really will go away?


for u, this is a simple thing.

for me, it makes me worrying.


driving in sleeping mode,

how can i have a good mode?


went back home late everynight.

i am worrying whole night.

always give me reason to meet friends,

i dint say u cant,

just ask u to make sure u un.

that the situation is not same,

u need to make sure ur status has change,

everyday not enof hours to sleep..

i just...

WORRY

i know is a small matter..but u had promise me to do so..bt........

okie..stop..

i worry ..because for me..a small matter from u..
is a big matter for me..

this is because I CARE U

hmm...hmm...hmmm....

10th start sms dear...
11th start sms, call, and sms..
12th sms, call, sms... ask to out for dinner..

AGAIN.. she said want to have dinner togather because she want to discuss clearly about something..

THIS reason i had heard about almost 4 times.. is 4 times..

why u dont understand geh? i really worry.. everytime when u all meet up..then again happen the thing..

do u know? is really hard to trust that this time will not be same as last time.. not i dont believe in u.. just .. i hope u understand.. last time 4 time.. 4 time also have same result..

and i dont really think got the neccesary to meet her again..

how to say le.. if yee how keep call me, i dint answer.. he still call.. what u will say?

"why u dont answer his call already, he still call? gao lin ah." i think this is will be what u say to me..

i do not know u know the different or not.. just.. sometimes..somethign is obvious..she also know the answer.. why still like this.. she sanfu..want an answer.. i am not sanfu meh?


this few day u keep tell me she contact with u..sms..call..

really hope to tell u..when will all this be enought?

vyen..can it be enought? actually i feel suffer.. i just dont hope u "nan zuo" ..
yee how call me one day..u wan me to contact him less..u promise me u will not reply her..but is contineous 4 day u contact with her..

u say u will not contact with her..feel so sorry to me when u contact with her on the 1st day ..but then? why will keep continue contact with her? forgot what u promise ad?

i am getting good in acting already.. is this good?
sometime will cry in the night.. talk to the lamzam u gv me.. asking.. why u never think of me? think of my feeling? always say wana change.. making me hurt u dont even care...alot reason gv to me..but the reason u gv is concerntrate to her.. because she find u..so no choice..u ned to answer..because she wana chat..no choice mayb u wana meet her..

for all ppl.. u contact with her is a small smaal matter.. but for me..it really do hurt me.. when u promise..bt u break..u never try to hold ur promise..

why i need to recover from all this my own?

Break promises in the next day

yesterday.. u promise me u will not reply her and stop contact atleast for now..

today..u call her 1st..

sum.. izit so important that he call her 1st means he do wrong?

sum, izit they canot contact?

sum, izit so wrong they contact? even just friens?

sum, he already told u the truth, why u still sad?

i do not know.. i just feel pain..

now i am learning to trust and believing in him, forgot the pass..life hapily togather..

but.. within a week.. what u promise today, u also break it the other day..just the other day.. how i make sure i can trust in u?

do i make is too serious?

i am sincerely apologise.. just.. i take promise abit serious.. i very scare people break my promise.. like my mom.. she said i am a good gal, sure she will sayang, yea she sayang, but sometime whjat she did..really hurt me..

human also will be wrong right? so u dint really wrong right? cane forgive right?

vyen.. i just... really sad..u promise u wont contact her ..but 2day u call her..

how to say, i really never think of want u to stop contact her forever..i really dint..atleast...not this moment.. i just............................

and why u wana hide the truth from me .....

i hate it..can i just stop the fucking tears from droping...

six sense..boubt..worry..problem really occur..sad..control..keep it inside..hurt

9th Dec, i waiting u for whole night, i dont even get a sms, HA..start to think too much again..

isit u going to celebrate her bday celebration? did she call u? did u 2 sms?

STOP thinking..happily wait u home.. when u reached.. u said u will call me after..but i have wait an hour..when i call u, ur line engage.. FULL.. my mind full of the image that u calling her..sweet sweet talking..

Dear..Babe...

i hate this words...i hate..

i do not know how to stop thinking..i hope to cry out..but..is like tears just hanging there..

untill i sms u the second time.u still never reply.my heart.. is like stop function..

dial ur number, start to call u..

u said u SLEPT..

I am really sorry that i do not believe u i really hope to tell u sincerely i am sorry that doubt on u.. really really sorry, i just very scare all this happen again..


then 10th dec..
we had fun at the laundry with our geng, i am so happy that we can take pictures at the streets there..without arguement..this is what i thought..i very scare actually when we are going laundry and know that there is christmas decoration..

LAST YEAR........

okie..stop... i tot this year wil be ok..

BUT....Wwhen we on our way back home..u receive a message..FROM HER AGAIN..

"dear.. u forgot my birthday" ...honestly.. how shud i let go..feel nothing?
she is the 1 i mind alot.. i do not know what she want.. when we togather..she did said miss u..flirt with u.. we break up..she reject u..doubt on u..what she want? why she wana trewat u like this?

she delete ur fb..and now she sms with the opening DEAR...

is she is a normal fren..i will jeolous..bt..wont feel HARD IN HEART..

i do not know how to tell u.. i feel sad... i just hope u understand..i mind alot.. i am really scare..

and the IMPRANT IS u NEVER promise me u WONT CONTACT WITH HER.. i dint ask u do so at 1st..because i tot..u got ur rights, u know which will be the best way to ignore all this..prevent the problems happen again...
i tot..u said u NED TO HANDLE SOMETHIGN is means..atleast..in this meant time..the time i am healing from all this ....u wont contact her..maybe after ...u will contact.. i do not know... just..u never said what u will do... i feel unsecure... but...i also not really mean want u to say so...

i also hope to control my feeling..really..i hope i got cnfidence..

looking at our pictures taken..i really hope to upload and use as hp or msn pic..bt i remember..she said is irritating..and u delete it straight away.. this really hurt.. is like a scar that never heal...

do u know..i always dont post our pic..dont use it as msn pic.. i just feel like..i ad canot do as normal couple can do..

i hope to forgot all those unhappy thing... heart feel..not well... i want to forgot.

i really do......

Yesterday....

yesterday u just told me u will keep your promise.. u will back earlier..

oh ya..u got.. u back at 11:40..

in the mean time.. u neither call me nor sms me..

yea..u start working..thats y is common to be like this.. what so busy about u?

just having a diner with colleague and boos also can be so late..and even..cant gv me a msg?

sorry to say so..i really boubt on u that u celebrate with her..

haiz..what a stupid reason i gv myself..

sometime..i hope i am angry n show out..better than i keep all inside..keep my feeling.. i dont show to u..

trust me..later..u sure ask me dont angry of u..u back home before 12..

and when i ask u.. why u dont even gv me a msg...

sure u will say

this is because... u know i gona do my report.. and u are chating with boss.. thats y is not convenience to sms me.. besides..u wana gv me surprise..u wana back home b4 12 to show me..u do what u promise..

but if i am not wrong.. i said yesterday.. if u wana late home..let me know the time..

not late home ..means before 12 must back..

i dono how to say..i am not ur mom...

piss off..

SiGh... remind me again..

hate this...

i remember it again.. when u told me u are going to have diner with ur boss and will be late back home.. it remind me again..thurdays is her bday..

will it be posible that u date her out for dinner? ( this is what on my mind)

i hate that.. why i cant just believe in u?


i remember ron said, what make a guy to fall in love with another gal is because the gal friend make the guy feel frustrated and go find another gal..

is this really true?

is this the reason u go back to her? but why?

there is sometime that we are happily togather.. and u still back for her... why is so unfair?

change a position and say about this.. u had lied to me alot of time..make me hurt, sad, frustrated..

WHY DONT I GO FALL INTO ANOTHER GUY? just why?

i can stay..my heart is still with u.. but why? i really only fall into u..


u promise me u will do ur best start from now.. and u already break few promises..

u said this year christmas u cant gv me a present.. u will repay me next year..
do u know.. LAST year..u also said so..

i just want something which made from u..truely from ur heart...nt those thing i can buy myself..


u promise me u will back earlier.. this few day.. u also break ur promises..
start from last week.. u said u will do the best to show me.. may i know how consider the best?

a. promise me back b4 12am, and u reach by 1 am this call the best?
b. promise me back b4 12am and reall reach by 12am..

which is ur answer?

n these few day, u also promise me reach b4 12.. and every time also later than that..later one hour..so?

ur promise..shud i really care on..trust on? or trust half?

i donot hope to keep tell u must go home earlier because u ned to work the other day..i know i am annoying..it make me remind that when u are in UK.. i keep ask u sleep earlier..and u dint..i will realli abit mad..because i really care for u..u always said ur back pain..is not enof sleep..i really because care for u..that is why i mad when u keep play till so late..but

my care bring u far away from me..u feel annoying because of me..i really dont hope i will be back the yuen sum that when u at UK..the yuen sum u hate..u scare of...
i scare u promise me will sleep earlier..end up u dint.. i mad..


YEA, maybe for u, i also the same, promise u i will try nt to remember what is past..but i keep remember it..


i...i am really scare..can u please help me? i am scare that u are lie to me again.. everynight, i do not knwo do u chat with her.. like last time.. u did and lie to me..

i know i keep think like this is annoying.. i hate this also..

please.. let me forgot all those..

i am really suffer

Thank you for being patient

really thank you that u being patient to me..

i know i always think back what had happen..

i know it was pass.. but i really need time to changed and let go all those..

i am really thank you that u are really changing.. and be patient to wait for me..

thats for telling me all this.. i am glad to know it..

i am sorry that even u dont have money already and u still accompany me to go out.. just because i dont 1 to stay at home.. really sorry..

thank you for everything..

i know THE TRUTH

u said u never webcam with other ppl except me... u lied

u said she know ur UK ho number when at europe trip.. u lied ... she know shen in august..

u said normally is she find u to chat.. u lied..is u find her to chat..

u lie that u dint said miss her first...everytime is she said so..

what make me sad is.. u change our profile pic.. and.. i ask u why..u said just wana change..actually.. i know.. is she wan u to change..bcoz is irrtating.. n u really change it the other day..n never put it again..

i am so sad..this keep in heart for so long.. i do not know how to forget this..everytime when i saw the msn n hp wall paper changed to other ..i really will think back this..i dono how shud i let go..is suffer.. heart is really pain

and u said u dint chat with her when u at UK..very lessly.. but ..is almost everyday.. atleast 2 a week... why u need to lie to me..u said u dono how..bt u know u r love me.. bt why? why u can lie and do all this?

i am very happy with u this 2 day..but i dono... i will tahan till when.. sometime.. i really remind it.. i am sad..

honestly.. doubting a people is very sanfu..i really hope that i just believe u in what i do last time.. bt there is too many lies....

what i shud do?

i just dono how

i dono except here, where i can said out my thing. when u call me.. ask me what i do will make me feel better..then i said all ad..

u just oh..then rest more..what i shud think?

u make me feel more sanfu u know..i will really tot u will come fidn me or what..

ya..u stay too far mah.. right.. i said i go find u..u dont 1..u ask me stay..u know i canot stay..why ned me to answer again n again...

ask me do what can make me feel better.. after i said.. u dint really come and do that with me..then what is the point to ask?

Dear Brother

Brother,

seem like long time never wrote email to u.. i very miss u o.. brother.. i am abit lost o.. dono what to do.. do i am still me or nt.. i doing something which is nt liek me..

do u knw..i got alot of thing wana tell vyen.. but when i face him..i cant say out anything.. like.. the mostly was his ex..when he said ns, he use her bag.. we argue.. i also will link to her...

i am bit..beng kui le.. i dint say all this to him.. i dono.. i hope to stop thinking all this..

why i cant tel lhim? coz i know.. i will keep on think this few month d.. i am nt like him..say can let go then let go..

i dont want him sanfu.. i dont hope he keep on listening the same thing.. what i shud do?

i also dont hope i keep mention her..then he will think of her...

yesterday when i know kee wee got go for the gathring.. she was also tere...

i sudenly think of.. kee wee like those gal very pretty and shi wen.. how if .. a guy like kee wee woo her..

what respond will vyne have?

will he be mad or unhappy when she got guy woo her.. i think will..then how am i gona do with this?

i dont hope to keep think n worry all this...

i know i am sturborn,, i sure cant forgot al lthis..


i got think of let go vyen.. atleast..he wont suffer that always listen the remind of all this ..i really dont hope he suffer like me to..

honestly..izit i shud really make up a decision n let go?

day 2 failed

yesterday was so success.. i tot i will have a sweet dream, and yet, i dint..

i dream that u leave me, u dont even want to care about me and really want a break up..

once i wake up from the scary dream.. i feel more pik cik.. i keep feel something bite on me..i really cant sleep.. no aircorn..the fan is only facing to sister..i am hot.. but i cant take off blanket..

is how suffer ..i cant think too much.. canot think why they wan do liek this.. i really dono what shud i think..how to be positive?

they wan me to feel hot to keep fit?

got something bite me because bite me better than bite sister?

is very itchy..even some part is damn not well...

then so hardly i can sleep..but then now again..stomach pain..what the hell was this?

i just want to sleep..

ok..finally i can fall asllep again.. now my mum turn..keep on come in to my room.. switch on the light.. off it.. on it..

damn it... i just really tired..

okie okie..can sleep ad..then again.. sis turn up the volume when they want to watch movie.. pls la.. why dont u all close the door.. is really noisy..i really hate this..

everytime like this..when i got exam..u all already keep like this.. i just wana sleep...please dont disturb ppl..

i really do not know hwat shud i think.. u keep ask me to let go..dont think.. i dont think..then..i still feel.. i feel sanfu when stay in home.. i wana go out.. but then.. u keep said alot think that u r worry or how how how..

i just wan to relax...

okie la..when i feel better..stay at home..dont 1 u worry la.. then u call me to ask me go ur house for diner.. i really feel appreciate.. but i really got pressure there...

my mom nt really like me always go ur house..and then ..u ask me to overnight at u there... honestly..i also hope to overnight.. atleast i can sleep better.. but u know i cant..i already said canot..please dont keep said that..

u know how i feel? i really want to do so..but i still ned to reject u..u know how hard was that?

i am so sorry...

tried to be another me day 1

Today, I had tried to be another possitive me..

when i wake up, 1st time i do was smile , and sent a message to him..

i keep be patient to do my stuff.. and is really works.. i get to hit the target i suppost to have..

then when i meet u.. i really felt so happy, and keep smile with u..

u felt weird because i smile whole day..haha

i really enjoy that u accompany me to my gathering.. is so fun that we keep chit chta..

so sorry that i know u r so tired and yet u still fetch me back...

in the mean time..u told me kiwi attend ur NS gathering.. u also been invited..

normally..when i know u being invited..bt u dint tell me..i am sure..100% sure...i will emo.. but why 2day dont have geh?

coz i know she got attend.. if u are being invite..and u never tell me..sure i will think alot..like did she the 1 who sms u..bla bla bla..

bt..it seem like i just..dint really think..is this a good way?

honestly..i still hope u will be honest to me and tell me everything at 1st..is just like u want me to do so...

i do not know hat going on with me..i do not know this changes is good or bad...

but i know 1 bad thing.. when said about her..i really got abit dono how..

Dear God, can let me forgot about her?

what i can do leh?

I Love......

I love.....

you holding my hand and play with my fingers

your eye keep looking on me when we go shopping with a geng of our friends..

your care when i am really not well..

you holding my hand so tightly when you acc me to see doc..

you want me to accompany you when you are sick..

when u said u need my accompany.. make me feels i am important to u..

we hang out togather to do what every things togather.. like shoping, sport, trip..
but we never go to travel togather for only both of us..

i like u said very truely that u will love me forever.. and is only me..

you hugged me n kisses me tightly..

you listen to me carefully when i am talking..

you request for more kiss when i am home..

u put ur hand around my neck from behind and talk beside my ear...

u touch my head with a sweet smile..

I LOVE ALL this...

2nd dec 09

early in the morning, mom wake me up for a breakfast with big family. I was really happy, there is somethign happen, make me feel stress when i face the big family. i feel sorry to my mom n dad of being a shame..

i really to being think positive, everything will be fine, but again and again, what my mom said, really hurting me. i really dono how i should go on. i hope to get care from u. and u did, u do really care on me.

when reach home, i purposely stay home to acc u, i dint think of we will argue again.. i really hate the time when u sleeping, u talk to me, i really cant hear u, and when u mang zhang n repeat.. u really are so fierce.. i hate that..

is u asked me to wake u up when i finish my supper.. when i wake u up, i cant hear what u said.. i just know u said wana chat.. then i ask u sit n chat nicely.. u keep fall asleep.. thats why i keep ask u to go for a sleep.. sleep in confortable way.. but u keep lao gai..

ok.. when i shake the plastic bag to wake u up.. u scold me..i am sorry that i have scare u..bt i hate u scold me.. becos u said " people is really tired and sleeping.. why u want to disturb ppl" is u asked me to wake u up.. now?

what hapen on me? why non stop crying...

It was too late

I dont have the feeling towards u..

this was the thing i want to say out..i dono why i got this in mind.. but..

honestly, when ichating with u, i feel "bu nai fan" i said before, dont let me have the feeling, last time i already said i got this feelign when i know u lie to me..

this time, the feeling too strong.. i dont even feel like want to talk to you...

actually i am scare... i dont hope to be like this.. i just want to love u.. only u..

please dont make me hate u, scared of u...

i think this time is really too late that u r changed

arhhhhh~~~

When we chatting on christmas..i should STOP IT..

why i keep forgot this is a sensitive topic? stupid me..

i really think to buy u a laptop bag..honestly..i dont like u still using the old bag..is like..she never be away from u.. but i dint said anything..

i am thinking to buy u one, atleast when u are working you can have a suitable bag. thats why i said as a christmas present..

when u ask me izit wan u present the spec to me..i said not..coz i wan hp..

haha..mayb u will think that i am childish.. is just..i have get a proper gift from u mah..

other ppl bf so good..buy them alot thing... i am not wan those expensive or what..i want something which i will use everday and is close to me..

sometime, i really dono why i will think so negatively.. just like u go UK.. u bought me a bear bear..u said i never get 1 before. u hope to be the 1st one gave me..yea..i was really happy..just a bear..it makes my day happy..

but untill i know.. u bough one same as weny daughter... i dono how to explain the feeling.. is like.. shouldnt i be the special one? shudnt i can have somethign which ppl dotn have? u bought jersey for me..but u bought one for her too... haiz...

how should i think?

i said it out!!!

You promise me you will reach home before 12.
you promise me you will only smoke 3 cigrates per day..
you promisem e you will keep all your promise..

you break it.

isit so serious that u break ur promise?
i really do not sure..

just i really scare... why u always break ur promises to me ?

and always keep said " THIS IS THE LAST CHANCE.. WHY DONT YOU GIVE ME A CHANCE"

do i really dint gave u a chance?

i really dono how to trust u.. about THE LAST CHANCE u request...

u asked me to give u a last chance that u will never do that again..u will only love me..only me..

can i believe in u??

i cant believe i said it out..i said my feeling towards u had change..i know is hurt..but i dont hope is TOO LATE.. i dont hope untill the day i really dont love u anymore only i tell u is too late..

why u neer understand..sometime..is not all apologise can get forgive as reply..

sometime i really hope.. if u love her..jst back to her..atleast when u back to me from her..that time..i will know u really love me..

sound stupid right

getting more weird

Today, once again, when i meet you, i really got the feelign of want to hug u.

i hold you hand very tight, it just seem like u will leave me in the next second.

why i will have this kind of stupid feeling?

i think maybe is because 2day was your first day of working, and normally, this kin of event, she will sms u, ask u to be hardworking, good luck or how.

other than this,i think is also because, her birthday is coming soon, will you sms or call her ? honestly i dont hope, because everytime, when u start contact with her, then u both start to flirt again..

i really HATE MYSELF being like this..

izit if i let go now, i will feel much more better?

is YOU or ME?

getting more confuse right now.. I am LOST.. TOTALLy LOST..

I am suppose to angry or emo when i saw "those".. but i doesnt have respond at all..

is that "those" thing already a common thing to me? izit i dont love you anymore?

i like to be with you, i still hope that u promise me you will ONLY LOVE ME is true..

i still hope i am the only one that you will care for..

BUT... seem like the feeling abit change..


if you know your bf had lied to u, how many time u will gave for a chance? one? two?

when i am considering for the 4th chances to gave to you..

you told me this time u r really clear on who you love,
you told me that you want to have a life long relationship with me,
you told me that you love me..only me..
you told me after sekinchan trip u never meet her..
you told me what u promise and said in the trip was the truth..really honest from u..

when we on the trip 26th & 27 th Oct,
u said u meet her 1 time, just to pass her the thing and have dinner. but u dint hold her hand..
u said she never said she gave u a chance..because she cant let go of something..

bt as i know, u got go dating with her, and she said she feel like u both like a "xiao fu qi" shopping for grocery was so sweet..
she asked u to choose between me n her..
she said she will give you time..
she asked you, do u still have feeling with me..u answer u dono..
BUT in sekinchan trip.. u said u know that you love me..your feeling to her..is slightly different..

you ask her to give u a chance..
she said she cant get through herself when talk about me..
she ask u to choose, but u said donno..u ask for her opinion...
she said she cant accept a guy which heart not totally belong to her..
then u said u r emo..u r sad..
but then once again..she said she will give you time to choose..she said she love u..
all this at 28th oct..

29th Oct u said u had choose me..
said that u really love me..


honestly, when the time i ask to be back togather, u had rejected me.. i really had hard feeling, i try my best to treat u as my best brother when we meet in sekinchan..

i felt hard to breath when i saw u keep sms, i know u are woo-ing her that time.. i still need to be happy for u ..

when u told me that u really cant let go of me, u really love me..i tot i am dreaming..i really dint think of u will choose me at last..

i worried that u choose me was because she rejected you..

but when u keep told me that this time u really know n sure who u love..i am really happy.. u also feel that.. untill i saw ur msn history..i only know all this is a lie..

u said u dint contact much with her..
u said everytime she find u first.. and u both chat on normal thing..
u said once she find u, u will tell me..
u said u n her are friend..
u said in UK, u very lessly chat with her..

all this is lie.. when i saw those..my heart..is empty..

that day onwards,
i dont feel like wana call u lao gong..
i dont feel like want to say i miss u..
in sms, i dint call u lao gong anymore,
i had been long time never said i love u,
when u not allow me to go somewhere..i will angry..last time i really wont.. coz when u nt alow or jeolous, i will tot that was a care..but now..is all change.
sometime, when i am on msn.. i really can chat till forget u..
when u aid i love u..i dint really feel like replying to u..

what hapen on me?

is this really too late?

am i not love u anymore?

how am i get through all this? i am really tired..

30 Nov 09 complicated day

i was ver yhappy for last 2 days, I had been to your house, have a great time with u and your family. it was so excited when we all enjoying football as well.

for me, it was really a sweet time when we are enjoying football match, i love to watch matches, especially when we bet for the team which will win for that ..

in these 2 days, i love your hug and kissess.. especially when u know i am not feeling well.. just ur eye, showing how much ur heart pain for me, i really feel warm..is like.. there is only u and me..

every moment, we can hold hand, play with fingers, smile to each other..

I am really happy..especially when u once again told me..

u will only love me..only me..

really thanks, thanks for accompany me go to see doctor..

i need to apologise that when u not allow me to go for the party, i feel moody.. honestly.. i want to go for that is because i want to enjoy more time with you..

yesterday night i cant really sleep, because i had stomach pain for whole night.. thats y i slept in car.. i feel guilty when i dint have dinner with u, and u need to drive back to klang and is really jam..

do u know, i really dono how to express my feeling, thats y..u will saw that i am not happy..i really dono how to tell you.. i am sorry..

tell u o.. my feeling towards u getting more and more..^^

Confusing

i really do not know should we continue or not.

u never ask me to join u in any program.. do u know, that day you cal and ask me wana yamcha or not.. i really feel happy, tot u really wana see me or maybe miss me wana ask me yamcha with ur friend.. end up, i know, is because your friend say wana go find me yamcha..

why u never think of want to find me, i really dint means that when u yamcha with friends in klang, i want u come fetch me to go along and fetch me back. nope, is really not like this.

i am also rational, i wont want you to really come all the way just to yamcha.. just sometime i hope, u got any party, gathering, u will remember of me..

u keep gave me reason just now, and kidding said " i got invite you to join me last christmas" haha, u tot is fun to kidding, but, honestly, this really hurt me..

we paktor so long, and the invotation is only on christmas..hahaha, am i really important to you? i really do not know how couple should communicate, i really not sure.. but i just know the couple around me, will atleast, request partner to do things togather..

yesterday, when you ask me to accompany you go buy formal shirt, i am really busying on my works, honestly, i cant really acc you, but when you ask me, izit i really canot acc u, this is the 1st time u request me to do something, i means is like.. really request after i reject...

but always , is your friends who ask u to invite me, only u will ask me, and u will say, "if U wan join then go lo"..haha..

i really dono why i am so cacat so care for all this...

but one thing really true.. as u said.. something is too late.. things will be in different.. different feeling ...different decision... different outcome..

nothing to be regret when things is too late

Where should I turn to?

that day should be a wonderful Sunday. But what I saw has bring me moody day.

I really do not know what is love. How a couple to be tolarence in a relationship.

U promise me u wouldnt do that again. but you break it one time. asking for another chance.

i gave it.

but now, i found out u break it again, and u lie again.

how should i think about this?

I know, ex gf was a pass, was someone u really had loved with you fully heart.

i know the feeling u for her, will never been less, will be a special one.

but i already said, ofcoz can keep contact, but u must tell me everything bout both of u. u promised me.

but once again, u dint keep your promise.

When the time before you go UK, u already contact with her, said miss her, asked alot of things, that between you both. is this normal? is it every couple who had break up also will ask like this?

when u at UK, there is something happen, at that time, that moment, you gave me a promise, which make me feel secure and trust on u. i feel your honest, your promise, your care, and your love. it was so strong. I tot, the problem between me, u , and her, has finally solve.

but seem like i was wrong. the month after, she asked u a ques, how do u feel if she got a new boyfriend. you seem worry and want to know more about her, and u said to her "all of your thing is important to me, especially your thing".

what this means ? someone told me, this is normal, because is ex is really special..will always care for them..

i really hope to trust in u this time, but, it has been few time, u are wrong and wan a chance, and i gave, i do not know how to know when will really be the last time u mean to...

now when u got chat in msn, got receive sms, i also very scare.. is like know she will find you, and u will think is nice to chat with her than me.. when we boh song or argue, i will really scare..because..u will find her..u will think of her everytime when we are not happy..

why i am so scare? because i just know that, the truth is, even we dint argue, u also will find her, miss her..

all this all this.. make me really dono how shuould i think.. u promise me thing, u dint do and keep on ask for chance.. when will be the last chance? Even that time in UK, i really believe in you for the serious problem, i trust you fully that day onwards.. what u promise that day.. ur expression..is so true to me..

same as what u show and said to me that day.. i already dono how to differentiate when u r true to me...when u are honest?

Do you think of let go me?

I really feel suffer.. my love to you will never be lesser.. even i know all this, all the lies, all the break promises.. sometime i hate u..but i also know, i love you

my heart there, is like empty.. very cold..





just now, babe ask me, what i plan to do for this coming christmas, i really dono.

i remember last year, christmas, i prepare a card for u, it was the 1st time i present to my boyfriend, for me, is really memorable, but we argue alot on that day, and that day on wards, you have turn to her.

what i canot forgot, maybe was what u had told me, "i will never decorate or do something by myself again, bcoz i just do too much for her, now a really dont have idea for all this" ..

do u know,how hurt i feel when i heard these? i dont 1 any present, i just wan something that u present it really from your heart... i have gave you christmas, bday present which i really do something on that. but i dint receive one from you...

hmm..how should i think?

christmas coming, and i am scare...will that day..i will be alone? or being with you, but with full of worrying heart?

get drunk

being moody for whole day.. and u have been go out for whole day..

yup, is true.. u just a closer friend..nothing much right?

even there is what happen on me u dont know.. i have go out have a drink u wont know.. i being call and scold you dono..

i should tell u?

but where are u when i am sad?

izit i should tell u how sad i am..how moody?

why cant i just drunk till sleep straight away?

Alone..will be better..right?

I am scare, Dono what I am thinking, just keep feel like want to cry..

I feel suffer, i am tired.. i just hope to have some time to free myself..

i hope to get care from you, seem what u gave is not what i want..

i dono for other people, how to they do when they sad.. i just hope u be there..

alot of problem occur..it was non-stop.. i know i ned to overcome..

but i am really tired.. i really dono what i should think n do in correct way..

i do my best..end up..people said is my fault..

i too care on something.. end up..is just i busy myself for nothing..

everyone asking me to look at their point of view..how about me?

really hope to go out..and there is nobody..not hearing any comment of u all.. not asking me do this and that..

alone ..will be better right?

where will be the place..that i am alone?

Happy Post

15th Nov 2009, this was the happiest day for me, i think..

AEM just finish our graduation party at club. Me n You have a long chat, maybe i am really sad and abit drunk, thats y i dare to say otu everything..

i am really happy that u had promise me u will be better, but i am really scare.. can i still believing in you.. should i give u this chance?

i really dono, untill u hug me so tight when i am stomache.. i can feel ur warm and care with truly from you.. i really hope, thi feeling will continue forever.. am i too greedy?

i am really happy that u really take care of me.. each moment ..from bring me upstair.. put me slowly on bed.. take warm water for me and make sure i am ok..and when u ask me the last time, can i gv the chance for u to take care of me.. u make me cry.. i ad choose to trust in u.. tha moment..u smile.. it was really secure..

till the next day, we cook togather..share our things..accompany u to sent resume..

all is so good..

i am really happy and feel great.. thanks alot..really...


just now i have emo again..i am sorry..just i dono how to think.. why i am asking u to join my fren trip u dont 1..because u feel there is a gap..bt then..u never ask me to join urs as well... izit we stay too far..thats y u dint ask me to join? or dont feel like wan me to join so that u can enjoy more with fren?

u know, u never think of asking ur fren go kl have diner and ask me out to have it togather.. that day when u n weny them come kl, u call and ask me along..i am really happy.. but when i know..is weny ask u to come kl..i was thinking.. do u ever think of wana find me to join u sometimes?

honestly..i am not wana control like u goign anywhere, i must be there.. just..we paktor 1 year.. u never invite me even a diner also when u r with ur fren.. i dono how shud i think..i also dono how should i tell u how i feel..

just feel bad right now.. jsut now when my fren told me..some1 keep talk bad about me..i really tot, i handle well, atleast i keep kidding with u when on phone with u..

sum..u ned to do more harder.. he got interview 2moro..dont disturb his feeling k..guai lo

心跳停止了

心跳停止了
梦是时候停了，我该醒了
第一次勇敢的，相信会好的
原来又是不可能的。
从有了，到没了
从痛了，到麻了
都一至相信你承诺的，
到分手了，我还傻傻的相信，
爱不会累的
只要能改了，问题就会解决了

后来你的对待
慢慢只能接受
还是希望会想起我
结果原来只有我还在这。

肚子的痛，渐渐没了
以为不痛了
原来是心痛，盖完所有的。

clear now

when i came to office, 1st thing i do was open and sent an email to u.
this was the 1st time i wrote an email regarding our problem, not just a friend's greeting.

""
brother..

can this email i call u lao gong?
haha canot also cant..i wan to call la..
lao gong, i cant sleep well yesterday night, i cant breath like normal. like ned to take very hard only can breath..really hope u r here, like u always do, ask me to breath slowly, will do with me as well, acc me untill i sleep.

yesterday after get ur mail, i really feel u angry and hate me..
lao gong, i am sorry, i really got alot problem,
i dono what shud i do, alot of thign hapen..cant tell u in details..
mayb say, i already dono how to report bah..


lao gong,
i really scare i canot accept that, when we meet, u really treat me like brother..
i really love u, i also dont 1 to spoil our friendship..
i scare i cant control.. cry n ask u back..i know i am weak

in this month..i really think alot..
i am so sorry that..i really make ur life suffer alot..
when i know u smoke alot, i feel that, im so bad..
i am so sorry that i always say break up..
i really realise, i really did alot of thing that make u suffer and dono how to face it.
actually i also dono how, should i continue wait u and ask for be back togather? or i just let go..be friend also can be much more better

act lao gong, i really cant imagine, when u back, i canot hug u tightly...
do u know how much i miss u? everyday i also hope, when u back i ned how la.. go where with..do what with u..
sometime, i really do not eat..keep fit, tot let u hug that time.. at least nt fat fat d lo..

when break up jo, at 1st i tot i am ok.. but end up, i almost cry everynight..
every minutes, really, i also will think what r u doing now, holding hp wait u to msg me..i know is stupid, bt i just cant control..
what i can control was dont call u n disturb u..
bt i also did sent msg to u alot of time.. i am really sorry, i just too miss u, i know what i did really annoying, i dono what i can say to apologize, just "really sorry"

everyday i also hug the little lamzam u gave me..it just like..u r here with me..
lao gong, can i keep that?? as a gift to me...

when u saw this emil, i think most probabily u ad meet me..
coz normally u wont so rajin read email everyday..lol
i hope i wont cry when meet u..i know my tears have make u suffer alot..
just want to say sorry..really sorry.. coz it was the way i release out..i dint meant to make u sanfu..
if i really cry when meet u, please forgive me..pls..



hope we will have a nice day when we meet up...
i know i canot say i love u when i meet u...
so i notti say here ..
hehe,

LAO GONG, I REALLY LOVE U, ALWAYS WILL DO.

all the best for u. no mater how we change, u still need to sayang me, as a brother..
this ia a must o...^^

regards,
LaoPo
""


this is what i hope to sent to you,
but end up, i saw ur reply for previous email. u said
"just my advice
but anyway
decsion is in ur hand"

i never get this answer from u, coz normally u will very beh agak said i canot go, i canot do, bla bla bla...
really hard to adapt into. i cant tahan my tears anymore.
coz i know ...

am i ok?
i do not know.
i tot i will be ok, coz i ad know the answer when u dint reply me last time.
i really tot i will be ok..

it must be kidding me

i just put aside my feeling, then the next day i receive ur mail.
do u know how happy i am when just receive a email from u?
sound stupid right..arh...i just dono what should i do n think.

we keep contact by email, but do u know, it is so sweet that u wrote me alot of things. like yesterday, u ask me alot of question, like very normal u will do.. i dono what should i think, i really do not know. i really hope that i am not dreaming, when yean ree told me u all back saturday, then u sent me mail and said, u stop yean ree to tell me..but is too late..

then why u dont 1 tell me u back on saturday:?
izit because u wana give me surprise? or u dont 1 to find me 1st..so just act that u hvn back?

i really dono..

changing @ 1month

Within this few weeks, i am trying to stop thinking a lot. I stop myself of being sent msg to kacau u. Sometime, i really wonder gah, why u never like want to msg me. Do u so hate me? Will never miss me? Or really dont have money to even sent me a msg? i really not understand. and i already dont hv the energy to understand.

i am getting weaker n weaker . That day, i really miss u so much, try to sms u, talk to u like a brother as we always do, i tot, we atleast can chat better.. u never reply. i still very happy, coz i successful think positive and control my feeling, and tell myself, u also dont have much credit to call. but after 7 hours, u replied, u said u r hanging out just now, and at paris, i should go if i got chance,u wana sleep, ask me take care.

what i feel was, ntg much, just answer my ques..never have much topic. mayb u also dont 1 chat so much since no credit bah.

As time is moving, i feel u ad let go of me..mayb u really so tired of being with me..

i know clearly that i really cant let go u, everyday, very concern on the phone, once got msg or call, i still hoping that is u who gv me a message. i really dont hope i continue like this, i know, if i still hoping u msg me, or i sent msg to u, it will only affect our friendship. I don’t hope to lose a best frend like u.

I decided to go london to work . i know, let go is really imposibble for me..
u always say ntg is imposible.. bt.. i dono.. is really hard. i also tot, break up will make me better, but i am nt, mayb i got alot things dono what happen, doesn’t have the hurt-est answer from u. As siew ling said..i hvn get ur answer.. the answer that is " yuen sum, we dont hv the chance togather anymore"

maybe is true, maybe i get this answer only i will let go u. but i choose to let go by going to a far place that i cant meet u, even if i miss u, even i cant control and ask u out, i also cant do all those if i am at London right?

bro, i receive ur email say u cant reply my msg, but u email me, really thanks alot, do u know, just a email, make me happy for two days. Even is just a fren email, i still really happy to get it..i keep on repeating to read the email u sent, is like a very important thing to me. Actually, there is only 5 email u sent to me when u at UK, this email was the last 1. Everyday, i will repeating to read the email, coz, i really feel is like a concern from u to me. Sound stupid, lol, is really stupid.


2day i go out with siew ling, alot problem, and actually my leg also very bengkak yesterday but i still go and now can’t even walk nicely already. coz if i dint go out, i alone at home, i will think alot. So i still going out with siew ling. When we went to a bra shop, she ask me to buy a sexy lingerie, it reminds me that i had bought 1 very cute, tot show this cute sleeping suit to u, sure u will laugh at me. But, there is no longer a chance for me.

At night, we yam cha with tim n yoke siong. Just now tim ask me a question, iizit i really can’t let go vyen?
i answered, i really can’t. they ask me, why i am so "soh", since ad know vyen let go me, why still like waiting. they said they feel that u ad let go.. Especially tim, he say in very serious way, he say, the way i will let go izit wana hear vyen said he dont 1 togather with me anymore? i answered yes. Then he reply, yuen sum, vyen also never find u so long ad, u should know he had let go u...

i wonder why he know vyen never find me.. is there anything that he know?

i dono. i dont wana think.

But i almost cry in the restaurant, when tim said, do u know what vyen said about u, that everyone know?

vyen said i am very "fan'".. tim say he know this from other ppl mouth.

i tot, break up that few day was the heart pain. Now only i know, i feel the hardest pain at this moment. i cant cry out. this feeling..i never feel before..Suddenly, i like... die a moment..i cant hear what they say at that moment. I dono what have done, totally blank.

i tot, report is a way of communicate,
u said u worry about me,
u said u would like to know everything about me, this showing u care for me
i tot, we should just share our daily as caring to each other
i said i just worry of u
i said i dono what u really doing, i have no idea,so i hope to get report from u
bt u said, i am very fan, u said sometime u forgot, sometime it is not neccesary

maybe when i dint get it, i force u do it next time, if u fogot, i angry,
izit this make u feel anooying? feel suffer?

really sorry..really
Now only i know, act i am so annoying,
i really dono how to show my care in a correct way.
and mayb my voice tone is n ot good or Inappropriate.


My love for u,
Was a burden to u
I already being said by many of them, that i requested too much from vyen, vyen feel stress.
Vyen smoke every day, and is alot, is nonstop..


Vyen, i am so sorry,
I really never know, that my love and care was in the wrong way
I really never know, my love is making u suffer for so long
I reall dono when u go play basketball, club or anything, u never reply said u ad safely reach home
I request u do in next time, i worry till angry
Is making u feel suffer..


i had make u changed, u have been smoke.
I really such a failure.
I always make u fan, i dono what i done, make u feel stress till smoke to release..
I am so sorry..really sorry


nowonder why i am trying so hard,
So hard to let my mom feel that i am guai lui,
Work hard to let my sis know, act i so fierce because i care of her,
But they treat me in diff,

Now only i know, actually, i am the one having problem,
i really dono how to love some1,
i really dono how to care some1

I really take everything so seriously, even a friend promise,
If u all promises me a thing, i will take it in mind,
If everything goes wrong, i am the 1 who mad,
Coz i tot i care, so i will mad if everything goes wrong
i really such a failure,
What action tot that i am trying to show some care to u all,
End up, bcoz i too care, i angry,
And make u all feel more suffer.

Break up is not the sadness, while knowing that
The way i love u,
Bring suffer to u,
Is the 1 make me feel,
I am really wrong, really pain in my heart.

I really dint mean to bring suffer to u..
I really....
I am really sorry. sincerely apologise

All i hope now was, vyen, please don’t smoke anymore.
I will let go, i promise i wont disturb u anymore, just pls don’t smoke,


Dear God, i know that i am wrong already, please stop vyen from smoking,
I will stop mess up his life, hope he will be to own vyen which don’t smoke, don’t drink, and always HAPPy.. i will go away, just change him back to his normal life.
I really miss his smile, the smile that really true without worrying alot, without feels suffer.
Thank God.

I said before, the time i take out my ring was the time i let him go.
I will take it out now.

Vyen,
i am really sorry that i mess up ur life. really sorry..
Hope u will back to ur happy life, and remember please don’t smoke.
This is what u promise me before u go Uk, please keep this promise. my last request, please keep this.


Please allow me to say here, 1 last time.
lao gong i really love u so much..
Really miss u..
what i had done, i dono how to solve it, i am really sorry.
i never meant to..
just hope, u will be fine and healthy.

i will let go.. hope we will still be good friend, good brother.
please allow me to cry the one last time.
really feel sad now..

when can i have time ?

stomach pain getting seriously.. do not know hat hapen actually. everyday seem very busy, but i am not sure what i am busy at. Maybe is just pretending to be busy?

really hope to see doctor, but i just dont have the courage to go myself. haiz..

this few day, really changed alot, abit like, is not the same old me.

everyone around me is asking me for club, i really not interst in. asked me for a movie, i dont really like to go with them. asked me out for yamcha, i still care that he will worry.

arhhhh.. sum.. please stop it k..

am i really potential to be 3rd party?

2day very weird o..i know he like to talk to me..but he got galfriend already.. i just tot he is very friendly...

suppose i will car pool his car to work...suppose everything should be fine... . but..untill this few day....he really so care on how i gona go work...feel abit like...weird...he keep ask me follow his car... i was like... pls dont la...

that y i dint really talk to him nowsday.. he also ask why i like very emo... @.@

haiz...i dont hope i will give people scold i am 3rd party anymore... dont talk to me pls...



and for him... haiz.. why i already reject to yam cha with u alot of time..u still will ask me everyday? is everyday.. u know i love my ex bf so much..u should know..although u also always scold me that i should wake up... i should let go my ex bf ....but what i answer u.. u should know right?

everyday u also will sms me ask me reach home ad..did i feels better or nt..act is very caring... bt... i really only love him... my ex bf.. i really..dono why i will love him so much.. what should i do...

very miss u 2day @ day 13

2day i feel very calm...i though..LOL

i wake up..take a deep breath..tell myself..today is a good good day...i can miss him..but canot think other...

bt then... i feel very pain..my stomach pain again..is pain untill i canot stand straight... very sanfu o...feel like volit as well..bt luckly i still can tahn to work...

alot things happen as well... but i just remember..i received weny email..and this email...is really saying bout my feeling.. the topic is about 2 kind of husband, 2 kind of life...

inside got 1 really like our situation...is the husband promise will back at 9 pm.and he keep postpone n postpone...and never say sorry...

wife keep on calling is nt want to rush him back..just...is a normal way to show love...and really care...

hahahaha... why so alike.. so bad..make me cry in the office.. i think alot aging..i think why i so love him, so care alot... but end up i make him suffer...

then my friends ask me..when he coming back..i said 20th...

suddenly..i really hope to ask.."will u come to find me after u diner with ur family?"

but i think u will go find ur friends bah..bcoz..situation ad changed...i am nt the person u would like to see at the 1st moment...

but i very stupid...i really hope u can find me at the night u back kl...i really miss u..bt there is no reason i ask or request...

heart....feel abit pain o...

why i so miss u har? lol... so bad d wor..i make up my mind..tell myself..dont think mah can lo..end up..my new colleague..is stay from klang d..he told me he stay at bukit tinggi..walao e..i very hard only busy whole day..make myself dont think so much..end up..he say he live thre..make me miss u alot lo....

walao e...really..zao zui a...stop think la...

u said u will talk to me

once... u said u will...yea..may b u are so busy..

i dono what should i think.even v break up...i also only tell dear, lai kuan, and ning li... i dint tell other...

just now lai kuan said..u told all of them v break up ad..mayb..u also accept the true ad...

i am the one who still standing at there haven make a move...

i really so love u..bt... what u do...really... make ...i tot...v can cool down... u said b4..v break up this time also dont take off the ring..bt it seem...only i remember this words..i hate myself why i think so much...

the suffer is kiiling me...

can i stop all..
pls tell me that i dont love him anymore..pls...

pls tell me..he dont love me at all..so that i can let go...

getting headache

my stomach pain getting serious... now everyday also will pain few times..is few times a day... really worry..but... hahha.. i dont even want to go look for a doc...

alot people ask me..what i wana do..how the work? how was the re-pay for the case...

i dono..i dono..i really dono..stop asking me thing...pls...pls... i really suffer ad...


i dont feel like crying...i dont 1 to talk...i dont even wan beeer...

just leave me alone...

i dono how to dont so care on a person

i really dono how to put aside the person i care..and really dont talk it at this moment...i know,..i really know..if i talk to him now..will make him hate me more...

i very suffer...anyone can help me...i really really suffer...

i dono what to do anymore......i just hope to talk nicely... talk what i wish...

can i just .....

i think.... i cant tahan anymore...

is time for me to wake up

yea..i must wake up this time. I always think that cool down myself, if we really meant to be togather, then sure we will.

alot of people asking me, since u love him so much, why u will break up with him,i also got question myself, why i canot tahan him? what he has done till i feel fed up...

maybe i can answer now, is been 2 days i never contact with him, i feel much more better already. but he called me this noon, at almost 2 Pm, he said he is going to spain, he is in the flight now. okay, i was very happy that he remember to called me. and i request him to sms me once he reach, coz, i still worry about him.

he said " i consider how 1st". i though he was kidding...

he said his flight at 10 am at UK, will reach in 2 hours...or mayb 4 hours..i nt really sure...

ok..10am at UK means 5pm in KL...reach about 4 hour.. means 9 pm in KL...so i wait and wait...

time pass and my worry getting stronger... does he forgot as he always do?

or he really consider wan to tell me or nt..

i do not know.. i just knwo i am worry...is already 10 pm here.. wonder what hapen to him. izit flight delay? or ?

i dont dare to think too much...yea.. i am a "think alot person"...

izit really wrong? i just worry the 1 i love..i do worry on him... no mater he is my boyfriend or not...i just worry on him...

when 10.35..i cant wait anymore, i take the initiative sms him, ask him did he reach already... almost 10 minutes later..he replied

"ngam ngam reach hotel..very hot there"... haha....this remind me..remind me why i said break up with him...why always...is always...when he promise that he will inform me something...i worry till limit..then i sms him...always..is ALWAYS..he will say...NGAM nGAm.." ngam ngam i wana tell u"... "ngam ngam i wana reply u d".... " i ngam ngam reach hotel"

why so many ngam ngam? maybe is really that ngam...do u know how worry i am? why i am so worry? bcoz he is nt drive from somewhere in malaysia to other place.. like home to shopping mall..it is nt...

do u understand the different? u are at somewhere which is so damn far from me...do u understand....

even i said i worry till cry...u just reply "LOL, cacat d. dont worry la.. ok d la.. just canot find hotel jus now... now wana go out ad...dont worry k"

yea..sum, u should wake up, he is nt anyone to u... since last time he ad like this, he know u worry, bt also finish do his thing only reply u, remember?

last time he go club, few time, he also back hostel, bath, chating ..when u called him only he say yala, ngam ngam home wana makan mah... he wont know when someone worrying, he must atleast sent a msg 1st...only do other stuff..

like now...u are EXPECTING he to sent u a msg when he reach...bt for him..he shoud find a hotel then only tell u..

u and him is totally nt same.this u know from last time...u should wake up..wake up...

day 10

wao..time pass so fast.. even i dint realise is already 10 days we break up..

the feeling of missing him never been reduce.. just changing another way to miss him..

2day he called me..he told me that he is leavin to Spain.. is really so happy to hear that..sure he is very enjoy.. hehe...i really happy that he remember to called me ..

i really feels myself very cacat d wor... coz i happy for that moment.. then i tell myself.. i shouldnt be happy..is normal to do so...coz i got requested him to tell me..not he, himself wana do so lar...hahaha

ben ben d me..i also got think that..mayb he got tell HER also le..since they always sms and chat..

bt this time..i feels okay la..coz, he like to chat with who.. do what..wanna be with who.. i canot control right..as long he is happy.. enof lor..

a very good news..now i can let go abit already lor..i wrote all on blog coz i hope i can say out all my sadness, questions, and madness here. but now i can forgot abit..and wont write on blog every day..

is kinda happy a... hope that i will be better..improve myself so that ......hehehehhe...

dAY 8

yesterday..after work i have go to laundry bar to enjoy with my dear and darling....

haiz..i cant control myself again..i called him...coz i really miss him...

i tell him..i really miss him..bt i know i shouldnt do so...what i should do..he answer me " is normal to miss some1..just depands how u face it..what u choose to do on next.."

i dont understand this...bt at that moment..i wan to do is..stop thinking of him..coz i know... he ad let go me...how i know? from the way he answer me no mater in msn or sms lor..

haha...dont dare think so much la.... when i answer this.. he reply "what u do is ur decision.. remember life is in ur hand.. dont regret on it can ad..do what u think is rite.."

he is true..i should do things that i wont regret... bt dont make myself regret also ned courage lor..is nt easy..


2day.. i go to klang to pass vyen mom a mooncake..is kinda stupid action..coz.. act is not neccesary to do so..bt... dono why..i just ..simply think that..since when i order..i wana present..so i just present...ntg much...

when taking ktm...i really think alot..think back the time we take lrt togather...make me miss him more..hahah

luckly frankie is there to fetch me..then we have lunch togather with vince..is kinda weird i can say...coz... i can be fren with them...and 2day only i feel that act i really can chat with them..last time i always feel vince doesnt like me...

have a nice chat with them..bt they dono i ad break up with vyen... i told them canot tell vyen i at klang...coz he dont alow me gai gai with guy..lol..i just kidding.then they really believe,..and said is hard to believe vyen will do so..wakakak

he really will llor...just he dont mention nia..kekek..so cute when i remember i ask for yau msn,..bt he dont give to me...cacat...

when back home...is raining heavuly..i get into rain agin..this time more wet..pity me..so cold in the train..and i get a call which my aunty husband broke his hand,,,is quite serious...so i went to subang hospital...he cant work hard ad..he is kinda sad..coz his job needs his hand often to shift thing often..he worry he still can work as what..

i feel so sad... he is a good good guy..he is the 1 i always tell myself..in this world..still got guy like him..a good husband...

i hope he get well soon...and will be happy...

dono what to do

i cant stop crying...i really really miss u...

i saw ur facebook got post thing to people... haha..i never get even one from u...never get before...

how should i think? why i always do not believe that u really love me?

i really dono... mayb..is all thing small matter ...

u never write in PM like miss me in msn...or facebook...make me feel... isit u scare ppl know..hurting someone? or?

i know..it is nt a neccesary to do so... just... say it another way round why can it do so? is not showing off or anything... just the way to express of love when sometime..v are not msg, nt chating or we cant chat that day...

why if that day we dint chat... u also never will say miss me in my msn? actually..mayb this is why i angry u never leave me a msg or report ba...

stupid me..thinking all this back again...

mayb this is all i stuck inside my heart..and i wan to say it out to release... while when u listenong..u feel that is blaming...

actually is really nt..i just dono why..i dont understand why u act like this..i really dont understand..thats y i say out or ask u... but what i did only make u suffer... i hate myself.. hate that why i think so much.. hate why i dont believe in u...

i dono i should blame on myself for my attitude or blame u that make me think so much...

this 2 days i also got cry... hope that 2moro ..i will be happy..if nt.i will get into serious sick...

Day 6

why u do not reply me? izit...totally dont have anything with me ad?

i cried again today, useless...

it already the 3rd day i am sick.. whenenver i want to see doc..i always remember u said u will accompany me to go when u back...but.. i know it wont be any chances to do so..

2day my friends ask me..how am i already...

i just smile ..and said.. i am ok..

i lied.. i am nt ok at all...

may be i am the one who say break up..so i should have any problem.. bt i said is nt because i dont love u anymore...

i got alot of problem this few days..working.. sick.. alot...but..i already forgot..what is the problem..i ad dint really care on it... i just wan my life happier..

i dint talk to anyone...i also control not to call u...since u also never wana reply my msg..so i know..u dont hope i disturb u...

i always wonder..how could u do so..never feel like wana sent me a msg...

i really feel sanfu for that..everyday..is everyday also holding the hp..

ok..is enof... stop thinking ok...

sum ..dont try to call or sms pls..please..i am begging u...

changing @ day 5

listening to a song by "wu ke qun - ai tai tong"

i cried, as in the lyrics.. without u, i feel very not use to it, even people say only break up.. but i really cant get use to it.. canot let it go..

alot people ask me, since i am the 1 who say so, who i so sad, do i wan to really let u go, or wan to be with u..

i wana say...i wan to be with u..bt when i saw that i alsways make u sad..we alot problem, u never understan me, same as i do..then i was thinking...can we....can we do so...

i really so hope to call u and tell u how much i love u...

even just now i go yamcha with lawrance..only both of us..i really hope to call u and ask u..mayb if u dont like i dont go..bt.. i know... this make u more hate me..
so i just go..coz he ad aasked me 4th time this week ad...

everytime when i wana call that time.i dial the num..then...i stoped..because i know i am disturbing u...

everyday also hope to get a msg from u..just a simple msg i also feel good..but i know...there is no reason that u need sms to me...

i go see doc 2day, is kinda scary coz no nurse at there...only the guy doc and me.. make me remember u always will say accompany me to see doc...

i din work 2day...think alot.. some times, really so funny.. now mom really can talk about u in positive way..like...not like last time...will say some thing to me when i said other couple.somethign like...when get couple, gal will become too dependent on guy...bla bla bla..

2day she can chat with me about u..and she say something that stand on ur side..she do not know v already break up..when i said i mind alot that u promise me u cant do..she got say in very very good and is talking good words for u.. like mayb u got ur reason..sometimes..gal too concentrate on promises..bt guy doent...is depend on how couple settle it..

this is what i always hope to hear...mom can chat with me about my bf...

but...mayb it is too late...

whole day..i also hope to get a msg from u...but.. i know..it cant be already...

tears drop again..i failed 2day..i cry o...

the feeling of missing u is very strong...

hope i can be bettter tomorrow...

changing@day 4

when i receive ur msg, i rub my eyes to see whether am i too miss u or what.

really feel so happy to get ur message. u said that u feel canot use to it when 3 days dont have a mesage... i just wana tell u..i feel the same. but i dono i should sms u or nt..

bt i really feels happy coz atleast we can chat awhile. when u ask me to take good care mysefl..i wonder.. u really let go me already?

but i dint think much, coz, nothing i can do already.

lao gong this words is my priority to call u, same as u called me lao po. suddenly, i cant say out this, i can call u like this, i feel.. is like a big stone lying on my heart..

you maybe dont know how much i wana change my thinking and attitude then be back with u. but i know i cant. for this moment i cant. i really hope u will wait me, but i dint say because this is too selfish.

the feeling of missing u is getting stronger...

changing@day3

2day not feeling well again..is time to see doctor..but is really busy..

i just do a big mistake 2day...maybe need to paid rm 500++ to company and this is not only my fault...i still need to listen some words from those collesgue...really feel unhappy..then in the noon, she wan me to go to the other office to pass document again..is really far actually...i need almost 20 minutes to go there...it is very hot..and i make a mistake again..i keep thinking again andd dint look on the road again..untill people horn me....bt luckly i am ok...whole day feel suffer..but i cant cry out..now home le..alone at room...hugging ur zamzam...i really hope...i can tell u all things like i can do last time...feel like neck there wana exploid ad..bt i still cant cry out ...nt even a tear drop..what hapen le?

feel pain in stomach and hard to breath, i very miss u, really really miss...

when i deleted msg...i saw what i type on the last msg..i said "i love u lao gong" i really dint reliase that i did type and sent...i really dono..when i saw this..i really type a msg to u..to say sorry..and pls dont mind...bt i think...this is nt neccesary...coz.. if u dont think is really a matter..u wont care about it..

i keep think how are u..what r u doing...really hope to msg u..bt..after i finish type the msg... i just can save as draft..or sent to u maxis..coz..i know that i cant be so selfish to disturb u again...

do u will act like the same? will u feel like wana sms me sometime? bt i think... u wont bah..u now is having trip..and i am sure..u dont hope to chat with me or contact me also...

this few night also got 1 indian guy called me..i dono who is him..bt he said he got my number..and he know me..i really dono who is him...when i sleeping...got phone call..i really tot is u..i very happy...but end up is him...i hate it...i just close the phone..bt he keep calling...

really hope to close the phone at night..bt i still will hope...u will call me..

haha

really stupid d....

really feel dono how..now even brother also gone...i lose 2 important person in my life ..

when i will be fully recover? it take some times i think..

would it be 4 month? a year? or longer?

shit

this few day more weird lor... i meet the indian guy again..the 1 who follow me home..really feel very stress everytime walk back to home..i also dont dare to go my floor..i dono where shud i go somedays...i ned to run..ned to be quite..especially when open the door..i very scare he will just come out behind..

haiz..

while for 2day..when i opened the door..i almos ter-step on those glasses...i dono who throw those small pieces of glasses infront of my door..is consider inside..i almost step on it already..luckly my mum stop me...my leg is only 1 inch near too "kiss" those glasses..but my hand
"kiss" hardly on the wall lor..now got a big trade mark lor...really bad....

for this incident..i dono izit the "bian tai" uncle beside,..bt mostly is him..coz no people will b so stupid to do all thise..he always throw theose stone to my window..is really kinda stupid..so mayb is him..bt really angry..coz this is glsees le..will gurt people 1...and he also "cucuk" my car spare tire lor..why i know his him? coz easy...the spare tired...got cover...and the "paku" is "cucuk" from deep inside..if we nt check 2day..we also wont know it already no gas inside...i really hate him...he nt the 1st time do this..last time saw him walk pass by our car..the next day my car front mirror got a crack...jaiz..

so i am very lucky 2day lo...coz i cant imagin how if 2 day i step on it..

1 day 3 post..kinda cacat lor...

this is already a diary for me..because i only can tell here...no 1 i can share about..

and is only dear know about this..so is ok la..hehe

stupid go and think something again..because laikuan dear told me my babe argue with her bf..

can understand geh..she go trip with more guys..sure will argue d lor...

stand at babe's side, she is no wrong, because everyone also hope to enjoy with best friends for a trip.. so when she think that she is simply go for enjoy a trip..is not a big deal..

while at her bf's point of view...he also doesnt wrong, because he woory about her..this is not said trust or nt..sometime... is normal to worry..babe is at UK..so far away...and really not so easy to contact..sure will worry..

this kind of proble..is need both to understand...

Me and him also argue for this before..because he also got with 2 other gals which i dono them..is kinda worry d..mayb i doesnt hv confidence on myself n him as well..
sure will said i am nt mature..just trip...

bt i am more sure is that..human is based on feeling..and feelingthis kind of things is really hard to say...alot gals is better than me..atleast will always smile...happy...and they are going to trip..how if he like them...this is what i think last time...

i just wana say is..i am worry..no confidence..this is 1st thong on my mind..
bt when i ask him..how if i go trip with guys as well...then how...he straight away said canot..because he dono those guys...

see? this is our diferent in mind to look into something...

i also dono those gals..but as u said...u are only go for a trip.. u wont have anything on them... ask me to dont think alot...bt even when i said u canot go also u wont do anything...

just wana mention, when i said u canot go...i really doesnt means it..it just

i feel...dont understand....why u r dong the same things which u do not like me to do..while u are doing..and make me curious is ...u think u doing the right..while if i am the one doing it..i am the wrong 1..
why har???

i really doent feel mad now..is just..i really hope he can understand what i feel...

is really inportant to both togather to make this relationship better...is that simple...u will worry me..i do will...

u not allow..i also will...

bt i normally will alow..because i know... u will do the best..the best for us...both of us..

i dono like situation is means i trust u or dint...

i know i just..dont understand why..u do so..and hope u stand on my side and have a think..nt really said u will love other gl..why dont u understand??

why we so hard in communicate?


vyen..i really not wana compare or calculated so much...really doesnt..just hope u to understand..relationship is nt means for 1 people to think..not calculate i do this..u must do this..is just.. i really tot..as a couple...we shall do the same thing to improve...

like u worry me go trip with other guys..i also will worry..why so simple..yet we still argue.and u seem dont understand?

kinda weird o

dono how to explain the feeling..is kinda weird. wake up in the morning i canot sent u a msg..i dono u already reach the hotel or not..where do u stay...

but i dint feel sad, mayb i really know, u will take care for urself as u always said..u will take good care...

really miss u alot.. bt i dint think alot 2day..just hope u will be okay...and safetly back then is ok lor..

i sudenly remember what u tell me ...i really not very understand o...

"bro..
everything is depend on urself
every change is in ur hand
depend how u gona manage it
everything got different meaning
jz depend wat the point of view
how u view it "

what does this means??

i think it in positive way o...

izit..." changes is in u hand "and "depends how u manage it"..means.... i should make change which i always think about...i should think it positively... even we break up, i still ned to manage my feeling well...dont always be sad..

while "everything got different meaning jz depend wat the point of view how u view it " this is means..we now are just brother... got different means d..mayb we will be more happy with this relationship right... different point of view means ...view at positive side...we are best friends better than v are hating each other..izit?

i got tell one of my fren o.. she ask me to sent msg to u..tell u i nt wana break up..is just a time for us to stay cool...

i really so wanted to do so...bt i dint..

coz i wan we think carefully...i really dont hope to see u suffer with me...see the 1 i love always emo when with me..is nt feeling good...

haha..my friend so bad..she sumore scared me o...said that since he n his ex so good..this 1 month..if they got contact...then he choose her ad how... LOL...i feel funny lor..sudenly i tell her...if he choose her..i will hate him lor..lol..but...mayb after some time..i will happy lo..coz..mayb he n her..really should be togather..

actually..heart abit pain when think of it gah... bt think deeply..if one month dint contact...will make him back to her...means his heart already got her right??? so means he nt that love me..so ...

this is a test for both of us...i dono what will be...

just hope...we all will be happy

changing @day 2

very happy..that i make it... i did called u to tell u i really do love u..feels never regret..

next..i really very happy that..i dint go club or drinks beer..yes..i did it...is better to watch a movie rather than drink a beer..

yea..i promise him n myself that..i wont drink beers when i sad..

i will only drinks when we are celebrating..i think is more fun right..

ok..2day onwards..i ned to start changing my life..since i am alone ..

1st..hmm..i think.......my attitude..

nope..is dont sms or call him..be strong..let him have a good holiday please...

second ...change my way of thinking...

3rd..dont so "chong dong"...

4th...be HappY...this is very important...

5th...how to let go soemthing...this is what i should do now..

6th...wait him back...wana tell him something..

7th..wait him back..get my souvenir..wakaka

just ana say..lao gong..i really do understand what i should do now...

be more happy... i hope..next time i saw u..i can see u smile...

happy..^^

happy that i can chat with u before u go for europe trip..

i know u got nothing to chat with me..

like no topic..

u can really dont eme me ad...no ned tum me ad...

see u still ok... really happy...

wana tell u i love u...

but this words will keep inside my heart forever...

i know i do love u can ad...

thanks for loving me for 1 year lor..

heart pain pain d..

canot tell u i love u lor...

i canot say i miss u

very pain neh...

i cant receive ur msg..conot know what u r doing ...

how i go through all this pain le?

i know is i choose to be like this d...bt..i only can b like this mah...

no 1 i cn talk to..dono what to do..so blank o...

i can feels his cold...very sad to see it o...heart very very pain..he now never reply my msg also le...

sum...must be strong k...

be strong a...

must keep this....

sum, u must keep like this o..

should not cry la.. this is good for him..

u also dont hope when he is enjoying his trip and u make him feels bad right?

u know urself better..sure u will argue with him.. then he sure will emo...

this is good for u both...

remember..now u r not couple..so when u call him, he ask u "you call me for what" this is very normal d...coz friends wont call for simply nothing..u ned to change this lor...

stay strong...remember...he will be happier d...

u canot forget all those unhappy things...u cant let go her...then what u can do is stop it...and make him happy k...

he is belongs to happy world...

if he will better in time..then u should be happy as well k...

u canot blame lor..stop blaming from 2day... u cant change ur mind..this is the only way u can make him better...

remember..u love him...he is happy..then is more than enough...

remember his smile...his laugh... u will feels better.......