let go...hahahahaha

let go..so easy to say yet hard to do...really

this mornign i just wana tell sis nicely..bt end up..she mad at me..and talk to me in very rude way..why am i need to handle all those?

do i really got alot of problem? i just advice her dont horn people like a mad lady..how if the driver come down n beat u? how should i do?

i just worry she keep like this will have problem..i dono..i just..really tot is wrong..then i just advice..then she just mad at me..i was like..what hapen? did i really say something wrong?

i shut keep quite diam diam right? non of my business...

i feel that i changed to very ubnormal...i very calculated already...actually..if i got money..honestly..i wont care to spend on family..is them who take care of me..why should i calculated? is just....i feel very stress..is damn stress,,,

shampoo not alow me to use..bcoz i never buy for myself...i just wana say..i not dont 1 buy...not no money...is i dont have time...i ned work...end work also ned to rush to take bus...my leg injured le..is bcoz i always walk n run n also stand..i never really rest....i feel so sanfu...who know...

yup..i am very luckly than alot ppl who have disable or anythign...i know..just..i really dono how to let go..i feel so sanfu..

i dont hv anyone to talk to..now..i talk to other i also feel i never release..last time i talk to vyen i will..now....

izit reach limit ad? should i?

almost reach limit

2day when wake up go work..rain heavily.. my leg also almost wet, feel scare because if get wet i will need more treatment for my leg..kinda worry, but no choice...i still need to walk like no body business...feel so alone...why people got love 1 sent...why people will have some 1 caring...me?

i got...but.....do i really got? what is care? now..at this moment..i dono...

i feel very sad..really dono how to explain the feeling that really make me hard to breath...i end work..hapily call mom ask her did we go uncle house..coz uncle birthday 2day.. and she said b4 she will go..then she in scold tone..i am not think too much or kidding.. she said " i dont hv money , go what la go go go.." "u got meh?" i dono what hapen...i am also human..i also got feeling 1..why all must shot to me?then who should i tell? i just wana share what i am not happy also cant...

then when take bus reach home..i ad hurt my leg..so late..why she never think of will i be in dangerous? sis is gal , her daughter... i am not? i am not even a human?

i also need care d.. no mater how strong i am...i still ned some care..cant fetch me nvm ...just atleast some care a.....

then i really dono who should i talk to...i think of wana talk to u...haha... i ad know...i will b more sad when talk to u d...i tell u how sad i am..i really dono why i dint do wrong also wana treat me like this..nt i keep ask how..just...i just want some care...dont gv to me also ntg i can do..but why still wana hate me? what i have done?

but what make my heart more pain is...when u said..all this u ned to overcome urself...other cant help u..i know..atleast u can "an wei" me?

can atleast try do somehing?
abit also can..can u ? pls...i beg u...i really feel ...

when i ask u..bt why i dont do wrong also like this..u said me too "zap jeuk" ....

hahahhahahahahaha

ya..i am too zap jeuk...normally..zap jeuk d people..only have 1 way to solve their sadness....that is ...just give up their life....

really not feeling well...

almost 5 am...
i really nt feeling well in that part..really worry alot...
why pain for so many weeks ad...
i tot period then pain..
bt is like abnormal ad...

really hope u r here...

3:12 in the morning

After chat,i really cant sleep, when u told me that ur presentation not very well yesterday,i really got hard feeling, i really hope i can do something for u.. what should i do? i dono, i dono anything bot that assignment, wana help bt u said i dont hv text book. it makes me feels that we are more far apart. last time we discuss assignment, now? i know why we getting lesser topic already.

really not in good mood this few day,i really dono how to think positively.. i injured my leg, mom never think of really fetch me to work, okay, i understand, because she also ned to fetch sis and daddy go work and school, but why, when fetching me she is like feeling very uncomfortable, like once fetch me, make her life very rushing? is this call i think too much again? i not really sure now.. what i can say is, i not feels how things goes. i SAW. she keep on scolding me said is very jam, i should wai her in pandan indah star lrt instead of taking monorial to time square. i was wonder, if i take Starline lrt, i can confirm my leg will hurt more seriously.

when i decided to tell vyen, i feel, okay, this is my things, is over, nothing i should say futhur more, i really dont have idea what should i do now. how should i think. what should i do.

when in the monorial, i really feels i am useless when i fall down and peoples is pushing me and step on my leg.i cant stand well, i never scold people. what can i do? they wan push, i got no choice right? is like, what ever....i just feel the pain, is really pain when the guy step on my foot, and the other hit on my shoulder and breast.i dont even saw is who did it.. what i can do is only cry.. useless ...really useless...why i am so useless, think back what i done, i really feels that, he doesnt like me, i will know what going on, i also cant stand for myself, how other people do..

i do not know what should i do, ask mom fetch also very scare i walk too slow later she came before i reach sure she will scold. i told vyen tis, and he ask me to stop thinking and just do what ever i can. i always think he dont understand.

i think the one who dont understand is me bah...

izit i think too much?

now is 10.10 pm... u end class at 8.30pm malaysia time here... u never call me u end class like normal..u never reply my msg...u never answer my call..

what should i think?

if u really choose to stay away from me..just let me know..i am very worry u...just let me know u are saftly home.. and tell me u do not want to chat with me anymore i will understand.. i just really worry... what happen to u...

i cant calm down myself...please reply me...

3rd post a day

very complicated for today, feel happy, sad, and dono whats going on also..

i think back alot of things 2day.. when v go trip with 1 geng..when v go out play..have fun...think back how good u treat me... think back the activities v do togather..think back the time we argue..we cry...we break up..we togather... alot alot...

is all this must walk through for every couple? i dont know..i just know i heart on u...no mater how hard our relationship i also hope to be with u...yea..mayb i always said i feel hard and ned a break..bt.. i really cant let go...

hope to hug u tightly now...

what should i think?

hahahaha..just now feel happy when i keep remind yeterday..we webcam whole night..now..

now i dono what should i think.. i remeber u said webcam and acc me sleep 1 last time..i tot..everything will be ok after we so happily...haha..i think too much again...

i asked u to miscal me when u reach sch..u dint..i really tot u hvn wake up..this already nt the 1st time..do i really so care on what u did? am i really wrong?

everyday..i also dono what u r doing..u got go clss?i dono..u at lene house chating or at home? i dono...

when i so happly call u..then hear ur voice is nt like just wake up from sleeping..then..i know u ad wake up..u said u r rush so u ad reach library..i wonder...really so rush till 1 miscall also cant sent to me??

sum, why u care so much? just dint gv a miscal..why u so wanted to get so..as long he is safe..then ok la..sum..do u know u shud think in this way?

i know i shud..why he dono? why he dono i really worry him? i not wana check him or control him... just..the feeling of knowing ntg from him..is hard feeling..like last time...he group with who..what time his class end..he diff group..all is tell from other ppl to me..why my boyfriend things is from other's mouth?

he go trip..also from fren..ya i know u got told me..bt...alot also from other...do u know the feeling?

how if now i wana go out with fren...and i ad reach that place..and never sent msg to u even u already sent a msg to me ask me to reply u? is diff story u know?

lets say, if u never sms me to ask me reach then mscal u..and i never do so..u wont be so angry..

but if, u already sms me ask me to gv a mscall to u when i reach..and i reach ad..i also never do..will u angry?

i dono...see...

i become the old me again..within 10 minutes only..

only a miscall right?
u will say only a miscal...why ned to become like this right?

do u sure is only a miscal? izit only 1 time? is nt really mater on the miscal...is the problem of sharing, caring, trust....

i really dono i should act like..nothing goes wrong..or...as u said..last night ad the last time for us..

love really doesnt means everything..i tot love can hold on our relationship...bt...it doesnt...

i cry again...

happy!! ^^

2day very happy o..last night really thanks for accompany me sleep .. i feeel so sweet.. when v keep open eye to see each other..then if found out u haven sleep then i will point at u ask u sleep la.. lol..is so simple...but...is really happy...

and when i sudenly wake up..v keep smile and ask me sleep early.. really miss u...

still got 54 days then u will be back ...hehe..miss u alot..

Useless

why i am so useless? i do really love u..untill wont let u away from my eye..i really do..


why i still say it out.. i hate myself..i am so weak..i remember what i promise u..i said i wont simply say out that words..i really dint say out..

bt i can feel ur sanfu, sanfu being alwaays listen those bored story from me..i can feel ur sanfu when u already try ur best to be patient to me..i know u are trying ur best to hold on..

but i am stress..i jeolous that she is so positive minded that bring happiness to u, i hate myself that only bring sadness and madness. i am useless, speechless..

when u saying something that really look alike with her..i really think that in ur heart..deep inside...she is staying inside...

why i am so stupid? why i cant change? why i got attitude like this? why i am a failure? why i cant just be like her? make ur life full of joy and happyness?

i really hope inside ur heart only have me..only me..

coz in my heart..only have you.....

very happy, yet...wondering should we

This few days was frequent up and down in my life. I know u are very patient to me, whenever what I had said or act u also will stay calm and try to let me understand. Actually I do not know what I want. I can sure that I am love u, but the argument between us is non stop, we can argue with really small cases. And both of us now having problem that’s feel sien to argue, and sometimes I don’t even bother.

But I really see u is doing hard work. I know u try to stay till late night to chat with me, wait me back to office, and when the time I end work, u will keep sms me to ask me where am I now. Do u know, I really feel so happy neh, really, when I know is u calling me, I will really smile. Haha, kinda stupid right?

Just want to let u know, I really feel glad n appreciate with what u done. I do. I do really love u. I don’t always say is because I dono how to show out. And I am a idiot, I really scare u treat me so good now, one day u will leave me, then how I am gona live. Because I know I will be use to having time and care from u, how if u don’t love me again? Or ….

I know u will scold me that I am thinking too much, but all girls will do so…

Today when I know Air asia flights tickets got cheap, then I really hope to book a flight to go with u, because we already plan many time, but even Malacca also we cant make it. I know u always say we got a lot of time. Is just, I want a break.