when can i have time ?

stomach pain getting seriously.. do not know hat hapen actually. everyday seem very busy, but i am not sure what i am busy at. Maybe is just pretending to be busy?

really hope to see doctor, but i just dont have the courage to go myself. haiz..

this few day, really changed alot, abit like, is not the same old me.

everyone around me is asking me for club, i really not interst in. asked me for a movie, i dont really like to go with them. asked me out for yamcha, i still care that he will worry.

arhhhh.. sum.. please stop it k..

am i really potential to be 3rd party?

2day very weird o..i know he like to talk to me..but he got galfriend already.. i just tot he is very friendly...

suppose i will car pool his car to work...suppose everything should be fine... . but..untill this few day....he really so care on how i gona go work...feel abit like...weird...he keep ask me follow his car... i was like... pls dont la...

that y i dint really talk to him nowsday.. he also ask why i like very emo... @.@

haiz...i dont hope i will give people scold i am 3rd party anymore... dont talk to me pls...



and for him... haiz.. why i already reject to yam cha with u alot of time..u still will ask me everyday? is everyday.. u know i love my ex bf so much..u should know..although u also always scold me that i should wake up... i should let go my ex bf ....but what i answer u.. u should know right?

everyday u also will sms me ask me reach home ad..did i feels better or nt..act is very caring... bt... i really only love him... my ex bf.. i really..dono why i will love him so much.. what should i do...

very miss u 2day @ day 13

2day i feel very calm...i though..LOL

i wake up..take a deep breath..tell myself..today is a good good day...i can miss him..but canot think other...

bt then... i feel very pain..my stomach pain again..is pain untill i canot stand straight... very sanfu o...feel like volit as well..bt luckly i still can tahn to work...

alot things happen as well... but i just remember..i received weny email..and this email...is really saying bout my feeling.. the topic is about 2 kind of husband, 2 kind of life...

inside got 1 really like our situation...is the husband promise will back at 9 pm.and he keep postpone n postpone...and never say sorry...

wife keep on calling is nt want to rush him back..just...is a normal way to show love...and really care...

hahahaha... why so alike.. so bad..make me cry in the office.. i think alot aging..i think why i so love him, so care alot... but end up i make him suffer...

then my friends ask me..when he coming back..i said 20th...

suddenly..i really hope to ask.."will u come to find me after u diner with ur family?"

but i think u will go find ur friends bah..bcoz..situation ad changed...i am nt the person u would like to see at the 1st moment...

but i very stupid...i really hope u can find me at the night u back kl...i really miss u..bt there is no reason i ask or request...

heart....feel abit pain o...

why i so miss u har? lol... so bad d wor..i make up my mind..tell myself..dont think mah can lo..end up..my new colleague..is stay from klang d..he told me he stay at bukit tinggi..walao e..i very hard only busy whole day..make myself dont think so much..end up..he say he live thre..make me miss u alot lo....

walao e...really..zao zui a...stop think la...

u said u will talk to me

once... u said u will...yea..may b u are so busy..

i dono what should i think.even v break up...i also only tell dear, lai kuan, and ning li... i dint tell other...

just now lai kuan said..u told all of them v break up ad..mayb..u also accept the true ad...

i am the one who still standing at there haven make a move...

i really so love u..bt... what u do...really... make ...i tot...v can cool down... u said b4..v break up this time also dont take off the ring..bt it seem...only i remember this words..i hate myself why i think so much...

the suffer is kiiling me...

can i stop all..
pls tell me that i dont love him anymore..pls...

pls tell me..he dont love me at all..so that i can let go...

getting headache

my stomach pain getting serious... now everyday also will pain few times..is few times a day... really worry..but... hahha.. i dont even want to go look for a doc...

alot people ask me..what i wana do..how the work? how was the re-pay for the case...

i dono..i dono..i really dono..stop asking me thing...pls...pls... i really suffer ad...


i dont feel like crying...i dont 1 to talk...i dont even wan beeer...

just leave me alone...

i dono how to dont so care on a person

i really dono how to put aside the person i care..and really dont talk it at this moment...i know,..i really know..if i talk to him now..will make him hate me more...

i very suffer...anyone can help me...i really really suffer...

i dono what to do anymore......i just hope to talk nicely... talk what i wish...

can i just .....

i think.... i cant tahan anymore...

is time for me to wake up

yea..i must wake up this time. I always think that cool down myself, if we really meant to be togather, then sure we will.

alot of people asking me, since u love him so much, why u will break up with him,i also got question myself, why i canot tahan him? what he has done till i feel fed up...

maybe i can answer now, is been 2 days i never contact with him, i feel much more better already. but he called me this noon, at almost 2 Pm, he said he is going to spain, he is in the flight now. okay, i was very happy that he remember to called me. and i request him to sms me once he reach, coz, i still worry about him.

he said " i consider how 1st". i though he was kidding...

he said his flight at 10 am at UK, will reach in 2 hours...or mayb 4 hours..i nt really sure...

ok..10am at UK means 5pm in KL...reach about 4 hour.. means 9 pm in KL...so i wait and wait...

time pass and my worry getting stronger... does he forgot as he always do?

or he really consider wan to tell me or nt..

i do not know.. i just knwo i am worry...is already 10 pm here.. wonder what hapen to him. izit flight delay? or ?

i dont dare to think too much...yea.. i am a "think alot person"...

izit really wrong? i just worry the 1 i love..i do worry on him... no mater he is my boyfriend or not...i just worry on him...

when 10.35..i cant wait anymore, i take the initiative sms him, ask him did he reach already... almost 10 minutes later..he replied

"ngam ngam reach hotel..very hot there"... haha....this remind me..remind me why i said break up with him...why always...is always...when he promise that he will inform me something...i worry till limit..then i sms him...always..is ALWAYS..he will say...NGAM nGAm.." ngam ngam i wana tell u"... "ngam ngam i wana reply u d".... " i ngam ngam reach hotel"

why so many ngam ngam? maybe is really that ngam...do u know how worry i am? why i am so worry? bcoz he is nt drive from somewhere in malaysia to other place.. like home to shopping mall..it is nt...

do u understand the different? u are at somewhere which is so damn far from me...do u understand....

even i said i worry till cry...u just reply "LOL, cacat d. dont worry la.. ok d la.. just canot find hotel jus now... now wana go out ad...dont worry k"

yea..sum, u should wake up, he is nt anyone to u... since last time he ad like this, he know u worry, bt also finish do his thing only reply u, remember?

last time he go club, few time, he also back hostel, bath, chating ..when u called him only he say yala, ngam ngam home wana makan mah... he wont know when someone worrying, he must atleast sent a msg 1st...only do other stuff..

like now...u are EXPECTING he to sent u a msg when he reach...bt for him..he shoud find a hotel then only tell u..

u and him is totally nt same.this u know from last time...u should wake up..wake up...

day 10

wao..time pass so fast.. even i dint realise is already 10 days we break up..

the feeling of missing him never been reduce.. just changing another way to miss him..

2day he called me..he told me that he is leavin to Spain.. is really so happy to hear that..sure he is very enjoy.. hehe...i really happy that he remember to called me ..

i really feels myself very cacat d wor... coz i happy for that moment.. then i tell myself.. i shouldnt be happy..is normal to do so...coz i got requested him to tell me..not he, himself wana do so lar...hahaha

ben ben d me..i also got think that..mayb he got tell HER also le..since they always sms and chat..

bt this time..i feels okay la..coz, he like to chat with who.. do what..wanna be with who.. i canot control right..as long he is happy.. enof lor..

a very good news..now i can let go abit already lor..i wrote all on blog coz i hope i can say out all my sadness, questions, and madness here. but now i can forgot abit..and wont write on blog every day..

is kinda happy a... hope that i will be better..improve myself so that ......hehehehhe...

dAY 8

yesterday..after work i have go to laundry bar to enjoy with my dear and darling....

haiz..i cant control myself again..i called him...coz i really miss him...

i tell him..i really miss him..bt i know i shouldnt do so...what i should do..he answer me " is normal to miss some1..just depands how u face it..what u choose to do on next.."

i dont understand this...bt at that moment..i wan to do is..stop thinking of him..coz i know... he ad let go me...how i know? from the way he answer me no mater in msn or sms lor..

haha...dont dare think so much la.... when i answer this.. he reply "what u do is ur decision.. remember life is in ur hand.. dont regret on it can ad..do what u think is rite.."

he is true..i should do things that i wont regret... bt dont make myself regret also ned courage lor..is nt easy..


2day.. i go to klang to pass vyen mom a mooncake..is kinda stupid action..coz.. act is not neccesary to do so..bt... dono why..i just ..simply think that..since when i order..i wana present..so i just present...ntg much...

when taking ktm...i really think alot..think back the time we take lrt togather...make me miss him more..hahah

luckly frankie is there to fetch me..then we have lunch togather with vince..is kinda weird i can say...coz... i can be fren with them...and 2day only i feel that act i really can chat with them..last time i always feel vince doesnt like me...

have a nice chat with them..bt they dono i ad break up with vyen... i told them canot tell vyen i at klang...coz he dont alow me gai gai with guy..lol..i just kidding.then they really believe,..and said is hard to believe vyen will do so..wakakak

he really will llor...just he dont mention nia..kekek..so cute when i remember i ask for yau msn,..bt he dont give to me...cacat...

when back home...is raining heavuly..i get into rain agin..this time more wet..pity me..so cold in the train..and i get a call which my aunty husband broke his hand,,,is quite serious...so i went to subang hospital...he cant work hard ad..he is kinda sad..coz his job needs his hand often to shift thing often..he worry he still can work as what..

i feel so sad... he is a good good guy..he is the 1 i always tell myself..in this world..still got guy like him..a good husband...

i hope he get well soon...and will be happy...

dono what to do

i cant stop crying...i really really miss u...

i saw ur facebook got post thing to people... haha..i never get even one from u...never get before...

how should i think? why i always do not believe that u really love me?

i really dono... mayb..is all thing small matter ...

u never write in PM like miss me in msn...or facebook...make me feel... isit u scare ppl know..hurting someone? or?

i know..it is nt a neccesary to do so... just... say it another way round why can it do so? is not showing off or anything... just the way to express of love when sometime..v are not msg, nt chating or we cant chat that day...

why if that day we dint chat... u also never will say miss me in my msn? actually..mayb this is why i angry u never leave me a msg or report ba...

stupid me..thinking all this back again...

mayb this is all i stuck inside my heart..and i wan to say it out to release... while when u listenong..u feel that is blaming...

actually is really nt..i just dono why..i dont understand why u act like this..i really dont understand..thats y i say out or ask u... but what i did only make u suffer... i hate myself.. hate that why i think so much.. hate why i dont believe in u...

i dono i should blame on myself for my attitude or blame u that make me think so much...

this 2 days i also got cry... hope that 2moro ..i will be happy..if nt.i will get into serious sick...

Day 6

why u do not reply me? izit...totally dont have anything with me ad?

i cried again today, useless...

it already the 3rd day i am sick.. whenenver i want to see doc..i always remember u said u will accompany me to go when u back...but.. i know it wont be any chances to do so..

2day my friends ask me..how am i already...

i just smile ..and said.. i am ok..

i lied.. i am nt ok at all...

may be i am the one who say break up..so i should have any problem.. bt i said is nt because i dont love u anymore...

i got alot of problem this few days..working.. sick.. alot...but..i already forgot..what is the problem..i ad dint really care on it... i just wan my life happier..

i dint talk to anyone...i also control not to call u...since u also never wana reply my msg..so i know..u dont hope i disturb u...

i always wonder..how could u do so..never feel like wana sent me a msg...

i really feel sanfu for that..everyday..is everyday also holding the hp..

ok..is enof... stop thinking ok...

sum ..dont try to call or sms pls..please..i am begging u...

changing @ day 5

listening to a song by "wu ke qun - ai tai tong"

i cried, as in the lyrics.. without u, i feel very not use to it, even people say only break up.. but i really cant get use to it.. canot let it go..

alot people ask me, since i am the 1 who say so, who i so sad, do i wan to really let u go, or wan to be with u..

i wana say...i wan to be with u..bt when i saw that i alsways make u sad..we alot problem, u never understan me, same as i do..then i was thinking...can we....can we do so...

i really so hope to call u and tell u how much i love u...

even just now i go yamcha with lawrance..only both of us..i really hope to call u and ask u..mayb if u dont like i dont go..bt.. i know... this make u more hate me..
so i just go..coz he ad aasked me 4th time this week ad...

everytime when i wana call that time.i dial the num..then...i stoped..because i know i am disturbing u...

everyday also hope to get a msg from u..just a simple msg i also feel good..but i know...there is no reason that u need sms to me...

i go see doc 2day, is kinda scary coz no nurse at there...only the guy doc and me.. make me remember u always will say accompany me to see doc...

i din work 2day...think alot.. some times, really so funny.. now mom really can talk about u in positive way..like...not like last time...will say some thing to me when i said other couple.somethign like...when get couple, gal will become too dependent on guy...bla bla bla..

2day she can chat with me about u..and she say something that stand on ur side..she do not know v already break up..when i said i mind alot that u promise me u cant do..she got say in very very good and is talking good words for u.. like mayb u got ur reason..sometimes..gal too concentrate on promises..bt guy doent...is depend on how couple settle it..

this is what i always hope to hear...mom can chat with me about my bf...

but...mayb it is too late...

whole day..i also hope to get a msg from u...but.. i know..it cant be already...

tears drop again..i failed 2day..i cry o...

the feeling of missing u is very strong...

hope i can be bettter tomorrow...

changing@day 4

when i receive ur msg, i rub my eyes to see whether am i too miss u or what.

really feel so happy to get ur message. u said that u feel canot use to it when 3 days dont have a mesage... i just wana tell u..i feel the same. but i dono i should sms u or nt..

bt i really feels happy coz atleast we can chat awhile. when u ask me to take good care mysefl..i wonder.. u really let go me already?

but i dint think much, coz, nothing i can do already.

lao gong this words is my priority to call u, same as u called me lao po. suddenly, i cant say out this, i can call u like this, i feel.. is like a big stone lying on my heart..

you maybe dont know how much i wana change my thinking and attitude then be back with u. but i know i cant. for this moment i cant. i really hope u will wait me, but i dint say because this is too selfish.

the feeling of missing u is getting stronger...

changing@day3

2day not feeling well again..is time to see doctor..but is really busy..

i just do a big mistake 2day...maybe need to paid rm 500++ to company and this is not only my fault...i still need to listen some words from those collesgue...really feel unhappy..then in the noon, she wan me to go to the other office to pass document again..is really far actually...i need almost 20 minutes to go there...it is very hot..and i make a mistake again..i keep thinking again andd dint look on the road again..untill people horn me....bt luckly i am ok...whole day feel suffer..but i cant cry out..now home le..alone at room...hugging ur zamzam...i really hope...i can tell u all things like i can do last time...feel like neck there wana exploid ad..bt i still cant cry out ...nt even a tear drop..what hapen le?

feel pain in stomach and hard to breath, i very miss u, really really miss...

when i deleted msg...i saw what i type on the last msg..i said "i love u lao gong" i really dint reliase that i did type and sent...i really dono..when i saw this..i really type a msg to u..to say sorry..and pls dont mind...bt i think...this is nt neccesary...coz.. if u dont think is really a matter..u wont care about it..

i keep think how are u..what r u doing...really hope to msg u..bt..after i finish type the msg... i just can save as draft..or sent to u maxis..coz..i know that i cant be so selfish to disturb u again...

do u will act like the same? will u feel like wana sms me sometime? bt i think... u wont bah..u now is having trip..and i am sure..u dont hope to chat with me or contact me also...

this few night also got 1 indian guy called me..i dono who is him..bt he said he got my number..and he know me..i really dono who is him...when i sleeping...got phone call..i really tot is u..i very happy...but end up is him...i hate it...i just close the phone..bt he keep calling...

really hope to close the phone at night..bt i still will hope...u will call me..

haha

really stupid d....

really feel dono how..now even brother also gone...i lose 2 important person in my life ..

when i will be fully recover? it take some times i think..

would it be 4 month? a year? or longer?

shit

this few day more weird lor... i meet the indian guy again..the 1 who follow me home..really feel very stress everytime walk back to home..i also dont dare to go my floor..i dono where shud i go somedays...i ned to run..ned to be quite..especially when open the door..i very scare he will just come out behind..

haiz..

while for 2day..when i opened the door..i almos ter-step on those glasses...i dono who throw those small pieces of glasses infront of my door..is consider inside..i almost step on it already..luckly my mum stop me...my leg is only 1 inch near too "kiss" those glasses..but my hand
"kiss" hardly on the wall lor..now got a big trade mark lor...really bad....

for this incident..i dono izit the "bian tai" uncle beside,..bt mostly is him..coz no people will b so stupid to do all thise..he always throw theose stone to my window..is really kinda stupid..so mayb is him..bt really angry..coz this is glsees le..will gurt people 1...and he also "cucuk" my car spare tire lor..why i know his him? coz easy...the spare tired...got cover...and the "paku" is "cucuk" from deep inside..if we nt check 2day..we also wont know it already no gas inside...i really hate him...he nt the 1st time do this..last time saw him walk pass by our car..the next day my car front mirror got a crack...jaiz..

so i am very lucky 2day lo...coz i cant imagin how if 2 day i step on it..

1 day 3 post..kinda cacat lor...

this is already a diary for me..because i only can tell here...no 1 i can share about..

and is only dear know about this..so is ok la..hehe

stupid go and think something again..because laikuan dear told me my babe argue with her bf..

can understand geh..she go trip with more guys..sure will argue d lor...

stand at babe's side, she is no wrong, because everyone also hope to enjoy with best friends for a trip.. so when she think that she is simply go for enjoy a trip..is not a big deal..

while at her bf's point of view...he also doesnt wrong, because he woory about her..this is not said trust or nt..sometime... is normal to worry..babe is at UK..so far away...and really not so easy to contact..sure will worry..

this kind of proble..is need both to understand...

Me and him also argue for this before..because he also got with 2 other gals which i dono them..is kinda worry d..mayb i doesnt hv confidence on myself n him as well..
sure will said i am nt mature..just trip...

bt i am more sure is that..human is based on feeling..and feelingthis kind of things is really hard to say...alot gals is better than me..atleast will always smile...happy...and they are going to trip..how if he like them...this is what i think last time...

i just wana say is..i am worry..no confidence..this is 1st thong on my mind..
bt when i ask him..how if i go trip with guys as well...then how...he straight away said canot..because he dono those guys...

see? this is our diferent in mind to look into something...

i also dono those gals..but as u said...u are only go for a trip.. u wont have anything on them... ask me to dont think alot...bt even when i said u canot go also u wont do anything...

just wana mention, when i said u canot go...i really doesnt means it..it just

i feel...dont understand....why u r dong the same things which u do not like me to do..while u are doing..and make me curious is ...u think u doing the right..while if i am the one doing it..i am the wrong 1..
why har???

i really doent feel mad now..is just..i really hope he can understand what i feel...

is really inportant to both togather to make this relationship better...is that simple...u will worry me..i do will...

u not allow..i also will...

bt i normally will alow..because i know... u will do the best..the best for us...both of us..

i dono like situation is means i trust u or dint...

i know i just..dont understand why..u do so..and hope u stand on my side and have a think..nt really said u will love other gl..why dont u understand??

why we so hard in communicate?


vyen..i really not wana compare or calculated so much...really doesnt..just hope u to understand..relationship is nt means for 1 people to think..not calculate i do this..u must do this..is just.. i really tot..as a couple...we shall do the same thing to improve...

like u worry me go trip with other guys..i also will worry..why so simple..yet we still argue.and u seem dont understand?

kinda weird o

dono how to explain the feeling..is kinda weird. wake up in the morning i canot sent u a msg..i dono u already reach the hotel or not..where do u stay...

but i dint feel sad, mayb i really know, u will take care for urself as u always said..u will take good care...

really miss u alot.. bt i dint think alot 2day..just hope u will be okay...and safetly back then is ok lor..

i sudenly remember what u tell me ...i really not very understand o...

"bro..
everything is depend on urself
every change is in ur hand
depend how u gona manage it
everything got different meaning
jz depend wat the point of view
how u view it "

what does this means??

i think it in positive way o...

izit..." changes is in u hand "and "depends how u manage it"..means.... i should make change which i always think about...i should think it positively... even we break up, i still ned to manage my feeling well...dont always be sad..

while "everything got different meaning jz depend wat the point of view how u view it " this is means..we now are just brother... got different means d..mayb we will be more happy with this relationship right... different point of view means ...view at positive side...we are best friends better than v are hating each other..izit?

i got tell one of my fren o.. she ask me to sent msg to u..tell u i nt wana break up..is just a time for us to stay cool...

i really so wanted to do so...bt i dint..

coz i wan we think carefully...i really dont hope to see u suffer with me...see the 1 i love always emo when with me..is nt feeling good...

haha..my friend so bad..she sumore scared me o...said that since he n his ex so good..this 1 month..if they got contact...then he choose her ad how... LOL...i feel funny lor..sudenly i tell her...if he choose her..i will hate him lor..lol..but...mayb after some time..i will happy lo..coz..mayb he n her..really should be togather..

actually..heart abit pain when think of it gah... bt think deeply..if one month dint contact...will make him back to her...means his heart already got her right??? so means he nt that love me..so ...

this is a test for both of us...i dono what will be...

just hope...we all will be happy

changing @day 2

very happy..that i make it... i did called u to tell u i really do love u..feels never regret..

next..i really very happy that..i dint go club or drinks beer..yes..i did it...is better to watch a movie rather than drink a beer..

yea..i promise him n myself that..i wont drink beers when i sad..

i will only drinks when we are celebrating..i think is more fun right..

ok..2day onwards..i ned to start changing my life..since i am alone ..

1st..hmm..i think.......my attitude..

nope..is dont sms or call him..be strong..let him have a good holiday please...

second ...change my way of thinking...

3rd..dont so "chong dong"...

4th...be HappY...this is very important...

5th...how to let go soemthing...this is what i should do now..

6th...wait him back...wana tell him something..

7th..wait him back..get my souvenir..wakaka

just ana say..lao gong..i really do understand what i should do now...

be more happy... i hope..next time i saw u..i can see u smile...

happy..^^

happy that i can chat with u before u go for europe trip..

i know u got nothing to chat with me..

like no topic..

u can really dont eme me ad...no ned tum me ad...

see u still ok... really happy...

wana tell u i love u...

but this words will keep inside my heart forever...

i know i do love u can ad...

thanks for loving me for 1 year lor..

heart pain pain d..

canot tell u i love u lor...

i canot say i miss u

very pain neh...

i cant receive ur msg..conot know what u r doing ...

how i go through all this pain le?

i know is i choose to be like this d...bt..i only can b like this mah...

no 1 i cn talk to..dono what to do..so blank o...

i can feels his cold...very sad to see it o...heart very very pain..he now never reply my msg also le...

sum...must be strong k...

be strong a...

must keep this....

sum, u must keep like this o..

should not cry la.. this is good for him..

u also dont hope when he is enjoying his trip and u make him feels bad right?

u know urself better..sure u will argue with him.. then he sure will emo...

this is good for u both...

remember..now u r not couple..so when u call him, he ask u "you call me for what" this is very normal d...coz friends wont call for simply nothing..u ned to change this lor...

stay strong...remember...he will be happier d...

u canot forget all those unhappy things...u cant let go her...then what u can do is stop it...and make him happy k...

he is belongs to happy world...

if he will better in time..then u should be happy as well k...

u canot blame lor..stop blaming from 2day... u cant change ur mind..this is the only way u can make him better...

remember..u love him...he is happy..then is more than enough...

remember his smile...his laugh... u will feels better.......

the second after ...

the second after i close the webcam... i cried as loudly as i can

u will never understand and feel how i feel..

i will never think poristive at 1st..

i really care on what other people said..

i also care on what other people do...

but i care u the most.. i really very unhappy this few days..

bt when i tell u..talk to u..

u just say " ntg d lar..", " then?", "just calm down and settle"

sometime even ntg to say..

i really scare that feeling.. feeling that we like far apart...

whole night i cant sleep...i really hope to go on9...i really wana call or sent messahe to u..

it is killing me... yup..i know i am the 1 who said so...

but i said b4..i only will said break because i wana let go...let go someone who not belongs to my world...

i do love u..i love u hardly badly...i really love u...

but...

dono

haven post the thing make me happy..again..u make me sad..

u never tell me what u r doing..but u keep ask what i am doing..

when i requested u to do the same..u promise me u will do..

but end up, u break it again...is not the 1st time ot the 2nd or 3rd times already..

i really feel...feel..sad..i think....

i just hope that sometime..i know something about u...

u promise u will call me b4 u sleep...ok..u dint..i also know that u r very sleepy...

then i let u sleep late abit only ask u wake up chat with me..2day was the last day we can webcam la... because of this..i purposely dint attend my friends bday party..

i tot...chat with u 1 hour also ok la..i know u wana go out...

but when u wake up ad..u also never tell me u r going out ad...u do all ur thing then only tell me,..u wana go out la..

what should i say??

really...what should i say??

no...actually is..what i can say...

my heart really pain..

everytime when sad..i also hope to stop all this..i just wana b a normal happy gal...

bt everytime u also make me sad...

everytime think of let go...

i feel that i will regret...

but got use meh?? we are not match mah..not meh?

yesterday chat with u...ask u why never msg me ...u also mad at me...what should i think..

i dont 1 so sanfu...

i very sanfu...

09September09

Alot of people choose 2day to register for marriage..

alot of people started their relationship 2day..

Alot of people celebrate 2day wit hthe one they love..

Almost all people will be happy with 2day..

Almost all people will sent sms to greet friends for a memoriable day..

Almost almost almost...

almost tears drop.......

2day is people's aniversary..but everyone say i spoil it

2day is my decision day..but untill now i still have got a direction..

i really never let go on every single words that she said ...

i really feels hurts on what he had done...

i feel hurts when remember he said he is more happy to be with her...

i feels hurt when she keep do something to get him back...

i keep wonder..what is the meaning of friends?

i keep asking myself..can i let go all this and be with him?

i know i shouldn't look back and let the time heals...

i know i must be tough to stay in this relationship

i know i should be happy to make him feels that actually we can be very happy as well..

but..

i am sorry that i canot let go...

i am sorry that i mind alot on what other people said...

i am sorry that i mind alot on what she had done...

i am sorry that i cant forgive that they wrong me at 1st...

i am sorry that i hate her on being so fake...

i am sorry that i will never forget u said u regret to be with me...

i am sorry

nt well

really nt well this few weeks... kinda worry..i dono i should go for a check or nt..bt really hope some 1 accompnay me..bt who can i ask for?

if ask agls..all my dears got work..dating..busy..

ask guys like very weird...i so wish u r here...atleast can comfort my feeling of scare and worried....

changing~

since the day mom confess with me..i feel like..i really cry too much ad..it seem like..i wake up alot...let me understand..is true..i am the 1 think too much..request too much....it really do..

i really feel my changes..is like..pushing myself dont care on something.,..when i think of it..i will try do something to forgot about it..haha..now...i wana blog and tell out also cant...is like..say ad got use meh..bt i still nt happy..not like other can let go..how to let go le? i feel so sanfu that keep inside...

for vyen..i really feel me n him seem very far..i dono what he thinking now...i dont liek this changes..like last time..he is the 1 always asking me what i am doing all that..now..bcoz bill problem..he dint do so ad...so when he is back..will it be the same ..that is nt telling me what he doing anymore? when ever i think of it..i feel v are ver ysanfu to be togather..am i really wrong?

i dono how to say the feeling..is like..he dont really care for me....like..he going anywhere..act i will worry..coz i never been to UK..i dono how was it..izit dangerous..is the light strong enof at night..or very dark? all i dono...when his class ended..he last time will tell me he end ad...walking back home.. then if he dint tell me..i will ask him...bt when i ask..sure we argue..coz for him...i care too much on "HE DO OR DO NOT TELL ME HE END CLASS".. but i really do care on him..when he 5 pm end class...8 pm still never have a msg from him...do u know how much i wprry?

ok..i changed....i dont really care on what time he back...i never sms ask him..he really doent feel it..and really liek ntg...i just feel like..oh gosh...what should i do..i just mang zhnag myself...

yayayayyaa..i mang zhang myself d..." lo lei shui" d...

i dono how to say my feeling towards him...is like..very close..yet very far..sometimeswhen v argue...he is like really nt understand why i am angry...for him.i shoud nt angry..coz all thinsg is small matter..then i wonder..what is big problem le?

i said a lot of time..when i take bus home that time..i very easy mang zhang..i very hate he said that y i always mangzhang...hhahahah act i really un...a person who never take bus everyday..never wait bus..who will know the feeling?

how the feeling that everyday kick or step by people?
how was the feeling that everyday alot "uncle" that keep on looking at ur breast even u wearing tshirt?
how was the feeling that some uncle like purposely "ter-touch" ur butt or breast?
how was the feeling that u wait bus at bus stop 1 hour..then stand inside the bus for 1 hour to 2 hours..then walk 30 minutes home? and it was very dark and no people on the street?
how was the feeling that ur leg pain and ur bf just ask u to walk faster or kiding run back home...i know kidding..bt when i said dont play ad..really tired...he keep said...nvm la.faster run la..back home can rest...who tell hell dono back home can rest...do u feel the pain of my leg?

always say me easy ang zhang...bt i really control very goood..why still say me?i morning ad wait bus...sempit in bus..walk to work..then played bt colleague...some colleague like dont like me...then call him wake up...bt end up every time also boh song close phone because he want sleep....then wait bus ....stand ib bus...walk home..then mom dnt really talk to me..and wait him home chat...

am i really nt patient? alot thing..i just cant say all out...i really tired d..i am just a normal human...nomater how sien i am..i just hope got ppl sayang...bt when i request...mom mayb angry of me ad...then he le? he was like..he got things to do mah..1 day dint chat is ntg 1..we still have alot of time to chat other day..

do u know..something...past is past..canot return back...

this few day i very close with other..he gv me a feeling that he very care on me...no mater what help i ned he always here...this feeling is like last time i got for vyen..

i dont liek this feeling...is like...i dont 1 other to replace vyen..the 1 i love is him.. i really dont wish to have any changes..but...me n vyen seem so far apart...

he never understand what i think...v always think differently...

this few day v also argue..when after argue..i really sad..sad till like last time..wana gv up..bt i wil lthink..what shoud i do le..izit the situation make vyen nt understandwhat i said? or i ned to tell him more clearly again?

and that night i really feel u weird weird..i stop asking or argueing with him ad...bcoz i know..if continue sure will like last time..end up we break up...i know..he also need time to think..to calm down.exam also around the corner..i just hope i be more mature,..wont argue with him..i know he very sanfu when study d...




the day when i asked u to tell me what u want to tell me b4 i made decision...when u said i shoud ask u again so u will answer...i really feel angry...coz..if u wana let me be more confidence in our relationship..why dont u just tell me? why do alot of things?

mayb u need time to say that..ur exam is coming soon..so what i can do is wait...

whenever think of ur trip...is 20 back..i really unhappy..coz...u said bcoz siong u late back...now ppl early back n u r the latest who back...u said u wana back early to meet me..end up..u r the latest...i really dono what should i think...sumore u go with 3 others gal n siong....3 gals...haha..i go with guy canot...i work at outstation u say canot..coz other guys there..i dono them..dangerous..then u??

with 3 gals ok la? i go 2 days trip with guys n gals u also say canot...u go 1 month..what hould i think? why is so unfair??

when i said u..u ask me back if u go with whole geng gals how...bt ...ur this europe trip ad with 3 gals la...i say canot go also no use...mine?

u say CANOT means CANOt...like just now..i ask can i go travel with fren next week..u say alot guy..canot...canot means canot...what is this?

how should i think to be more ok?