Only me alone

hahaha.. i already know.. even i canot go ur house this week.. u also ok with this.. u never ask about saturday how or what... ahhaha...
really..everytime, also i hope to go u there right? u only ok ok right?

i eithier got go or nt u also wont care much..is like..i want to go a.. go lor..

haha..2night i cant celebrate with u.. u also ok..
i really tot u end work earlier..u will come n find me ..since u cant acc me tonight.. end up..i think too much again..

mayb u will say..yesterday u also end work earlier..but u find me..i am not happy.. thats y u wont come 2day..

haha..yesterday is because i know u still ned to work 2day.. why every time i explain u also dotn understand...

hmm..i wont hope to celebrate any event with u anymore.. everytime also get hurt d... heart very pain right now...

really hope to cry out loud ...

hope to tel you~~~

"i hope u celebrate with me for this new year eve.."

this is what i hope to tell u, but i dont hope to influent ur feeling..thats y i dint tell u..
dono le.. seem like u celebrate with ur friend without me..u also can be happy to play with.. enjoy all the way..

haha.. why i like a mommy.. like very worry on a son will be lonely or not when he 1st enter kindergarden.. that kind of feel..stupid me

hmmm..hmmm.. feel so bad right now..keep crying o.. crying is because.. i really do not know why i am so stupid..do not know what i wan..

i am clear that now u choose to go genting.. sure u will join them..u wont come bbq.. or wont ask me to join u as well..

but dono why..i like hope that u maybe will join bbq or ask me go along with u..

but hor.. i really hope u do what u want..

i also tell myself.. dint celebrate togather nia ..ntg geh... anniversary also dint celebrate togather la... and if i go genting..sure cherlene n yean ree wont go for the bbq ad.. coz they go is bcoz of me.. i really.....

haizzz... i hate myself.. i also dono what i want..

why i always like this..make u sanfu saja..

no wonder u like ephine more than me..

i also hate myself ad...

feel so regret!!!!

really sorry, I really dint meant to tell u all those feeling..

honestly, i feel do not know how.. when i really hope to spend time with u for this new year eve.. end up.. i know u are suffer, because u need to choose between me n ur friends.. thats y i help u to choose.. u know.. act i really thought i can eat baskin robin icecream with u tomorrow night.. ass u promise me..

i want u to go stay with ur friends because i know, there is very hard for u to meet all ur friends.. just.. i really think that.. if we dint be togather tomorrow.. then is ok..just..friday and saturday onwards..there is no point for me to go ur house..

i do not know hot to say the feeling..

i also hope to go genting with u.. just..i really promise to mei mun ad.. she want to cancle this plan ad d.. just because u also keep say her house will be better..then she allow to bbq at her house.. i feel uncomfortable if we dint go.. i really do not know how to tell u this.. because i really scare we will argue when we discuss about this..

just now.. after i told u all my feeling.. u dint answer me one words.. and when u fetch me back.. u straight away sent me home.. u never wana hold my hand.. i already know i hurt u..

even i sms u now.. u reply ok only..

i am really sorry... just i hope to tell u my feeling..

i do not want the feeling change untill i really give up.. we cant be togather anymore..only i tell u all this.. i really hope there is still chances to settle all this..

i already do not know what i am talking.. all i wan to say is sorry...

last day for 2009

hmm hmm hmm.. at first i thought i will celebrate new year eve with u..
christmas day, u said u are busy.. there is no choice.. we really simply celebrate the christmas.. i really looking forward on tomorrow..

i thought atleast we can celebrate togather..

when u told me that ur friends asked u to join them to genting.. i already know how much u hope to go for that..

thats y i make decision, u follow them to genting, while i stay at kl to celebrate with our coursemate.. i do not know this decision is good or bad..

just..honestly.. i really dont hv much feeling.. when i ask u to celebrate with ur fen.. i dont really feel sad... maybe is because.. i already immune with all this bah..

alot of ur promises.. at last.. will be a break promises..
even i request a card from u.. end up.. i really dint get it.. that christmas was the last day i feel sad when u break ur promises..

i know.. this time.. u dint break ur promise.. u really got ask me where u should go..

just vyen ah.. i do not know how to tell u..sometime.. i really hope.. you.. yourself.. have the feeling feel like wana do something for me..some decision u shud make..

not i request...not i decide..

warmest gift

This few day, we do really met up and feel so comfortable.
Even we still got some emotion feeling, but atleast we wont argue much. We are now learning how to listen to other.

I am really happy. i found back my heart towards u. that night, when u come and find me, once u saw me, giave me a big hug, and keep telling me how much u love me. at 1st i really stun, because u really dint act like that before. That night, i keep remind it once and once again..

Honestly, i still doubt on you, but the next da, u are the same, and the day after, u still purposely come and find me just want to have more time with me. I really feel my heart again.

Especially when u asked me, when i will marry u, at first, i really thought u are kidding. end up, u keep remind me and really chat with me on that.

u know, i keep ask myself, can i really believe on u this time?

I really do not know how it will go, as i promise u, no mater how, i will do my best. to gambateh with u.

complicated christmas day

last christmas, the 1st time i celebrate christmas with boyfriend..i am very excited..but end up, we argue untill want to break up, and i had a sad christmas.
i dont get any present or card from you.. and u told me wait till next year. u would gv extra present for me..

This year, i really hope i can have a different and happy christmas. everything goes smoothly, when u told me u dint prepare a present, i said is ok, i just want a card from u, a card made by u. untill yesterday, i still keep hints u i want a card only.. end up, u really dint prepare a card for me.. no present for this christmas as well..

honestly, i do not know why i am so care on a present.. just.. except my birthday present, i really dont get any other present or hand made thing from u..

christmas, valentine, aniversary.. i dont hv any thing can keep..this is a important memory of me.. 1st time i celebrate all this with my love 1.. and.. i do not know how to say..even anniversary u are not at malaysia.

i really do not know why i so mind of it..really.. i hope i can be more ok..

hahaha..but honestly..i really enjoy the christmas with u, even though i know that 25th u need to attend ur boss bachelor night.. i also think that is enof for me that u celebrate with me..accompany me.. i really feel ok..happy that this year christmas..atleast we are not argueing..

untill i ter-saw something.. all teh gifts she present to u.. and u keep in the cupboard and put it all nicely..i am kinda sad..really...even the things i present to u ..u also do not know where u put..and what i present u also forgot.. when i looking at all this present she sent u..i really felt... sanfu..it reminds me alot of thing..

haiz..all i want for this christmas is.. u can accompany me.. not rush like today..
i really feel sorry that u ned to sent me home then rush to go ur boss there.. i dont talk in the car and act sleeping is because i do not know what i can say..really

i feel sumthong.. when i keep find a way out to help u up..i tot ask u fetch me to midvalley, will be better, atleast u no need rush to ur boss there..or i go out with fren, u sent me back later..i keep think the best way..but..what i do..is only making u feel that i am "3 xin liang yi"..when i hear this..i really..feel speechless...

i am so useles.. only burden u.. want u acc me..wan u sent me home.. alot request..

vye, i feel sanu..honstly..i really feel sanfu..i do not know how o forgot her existing.. forgot what u had done.. a little single thing..will make me remember of something...

i feel sanfu..when i scare that r u lie to me again..or when we are not really happy that time..wil u find her..

why i dont trust u..i hate myself...

why i requested so much on u? why u dint present me..i will think alot? why u got a msg..i will scare is her..
why we not argue as much as last time..can say we really chat nicely ad..i still scare u will find out u love her more?

why i cant just believe that u love me... only me?

miscommunication

We had a 3d2n trip at.. klang.. haha
honestly, i am very happy that i can relax and have u accompany me for 3 days. but once again, we argue. i really keep wonder, what happen to me? why i will keep remind of something bad? why dont i remember only the thing that u make me happy?

that day, i ask u, why dont u understand me, i really dont like u contact with her. this is what u promise me. do u know, it is NOT THE MATTER that, what is the contain that make u REPLY her.. IS u PROMISE me ad u wont reply..

honestly.. when u reply her, at the situation that when she said something that u think there is a must u need to reply.. i UNDERSTAND.. i dint angry u reply her.. really ... is when u start reply her ONE.. then she keep sms, then u keep reply.. understand mah? vyen,how i should tell u to make u understand this?

that day, when u ask me, isit she wana jump down i also not alow u find her..my heart really pain.. i really do not know that, in your heart, i am this kind of people, a devil people.

i really understand when u said there is a must that u need to reply her.. is just.. THERE IS NOT A NECCESARY THAT U NEED TO REPLY HER ALL THE TIME.

yea. mayb for u, u think that u already "fu yan" her. but why i need to STOP contact with him while u can reply in "fu yan" way?

when he called me, u said u wana answer. u ask me " why i canot answer? " ...
VYEN, then why i canot answer ephine call?

this really make me sad.. but.. i dint show up anything.. because..i really dont hope to argue..

this few day.. the way u treat me different already.. u really less sms me..like u did last week.. am i think too much? too sensitive?

i am so sorry..really sorry..i really feel sorry... but.. i canot stop it..

last time.. when i start feel the different..i ask u..and u answer me the different thing.. end up i found out is a lie...

i very scare...really scare..the feeling make me feel hard....

no title

what title i shud put?

no idea..

said ad will acc me this few day..end up..2moro i only see u at the noon time.. do not know..

i dint really feel good.. maybe i am really pain..and u dint even ask me how i feel.. i asked u few time what time u find me..and u dint answer..
u find me after 2 pm..we meet them 5 pm...do i hv enof time to buy present?

why everytime also like this geh?why i alwats tot nt enof time..while u tot alot of time..

i tot is important..u tot not//

yea..when with u//really felt happy..bt sometimes..i also hope to do sometging 2gather//nt really shoping..mayb just a walk also ok./.nt really hug n sleep whole day enof...

i do not know what i wan..just..i feel sad...dont 1 to talk o u anymore..

i saturday mayb got work//shud i stay u there?

i do not know..sometime i really feel..only i hope to spend more time with u..

LAST christmas...

just now.. few of my friends ask me.. what i get from u last christmas..i said dont hv..

hehe..abit sad le..dono, when tim asked me..did vyen present u flower before..i answered nope.. i dint.. he ask me do i wish to have 1..yes ofcoz..just..i am gal..i also wan face..i wont tell that i hope to have one..

he dint [resent me..ntg i can say right..

isit so important to get 1? i do not know.. is just.. curious bah..everyone will have one ..bt i dint.. how it would feel?

i dont even get a christmas card or gift..dono le..

mayb i shudnt think so much bah..hehe..

guai la...

feeling bad

earlier in the morning, i am suppose to have a interview. end up i beong scold that i am late, because someone make mistake.. OMG..

then keep thinking wana find u yo have a lunch togather, because i am wearing very formal 2day.. but i wait n wait under the sun.. n u still can gv me a propraite answer that u can have liunch with me or nt..

hinestly..i feel sad.. i am really not well..especially i keep stand under the hot sun.. and worry got thief..because there really dangerous..

end up.. still i am the one making decision that we dont meet..really feel abit dissapointed.. honestly..some time i hope u can decide as wel..is both of our thing.. nt only me alone..

wei..tell u lor.. i got plan to give u surprise 2day d..when u end work that time..
i take ktm to ur house there..thn call u ask u reach klang ad or nt..hahaha..

but canot lo.. my stomach really pain today..even when i walk home.. i need to rest a long time only i can continue..bt u dont even feel about it..haha..when noon..start feel cold..then my leg started pain crazy lor.. is really pain..i can even walk fast.. stomach n leg pain..make me really dono how.. end up dint yamcha also..tot u will home earlier or keep call me..

bt end up..also i am the one keep kacau u..haiz haiz..why i always kacau har? control abit pls..k...control...

dont always mah fan ppl..pls

just wish u could be here

another night, i feel unsecure, feels bad.. untill i cant sleep..

i do not know how to explain the feeling..

even when i fall asleep. i still will wake up ..is like scare me up..

i really scare this feeling..

just now..i really feel uncomfortable..i call u..

maybe u are jus too tired..even i said i am not feeling well..

u dint really comfort me..

i know u r tired.. just..

i really hope atleast u can concerntrate talking with me awhile..

the feeling is really bad.. i just hope u..

nothing

crying....

again.. a crying night..

u will never understand me.. i really do not know what else i can say..

always be reason and really alot thing..

no matter is her or the sleep earlier..

still contact with her..this is ur patern..i hear this.. i really cry non stop..

my patern is flirt wit hguy who sayang me..can i do so?

wan u sleep earlier..u alot reason n thing really wan to do..

i really understand..

bt..i canot accept..

but now onwards.. i will stop saying anything k..

bro..where r u? i really hope to talk to some1..i am so.........

There is alot of things i gotto say

"please sleep earlier"
"is ur proposal need to finish by today?"
"what i can help u up?"
"gambateh for ur proposal.i will wait u finish we sleep togather.."
"gah yao gah yao o..."

"said ad u must go home earlier.. said ad u got work ned to do, i really dont hope u always so late sleep, everytime hear u said u drive in sleeping mode... i am really worry.."

"dont talk shit with me that u will b fine or how good u in driving please..i am not kidding.. please sleep more..."

please sleep please sleep..

in our topic..alot of sleep.. i said it till i sien..

i ask u earlier home..everytime make us argue.. sometime i really hope..i dont 1 care too much bout u..what time u wan home..ur mom also dint say anything..what the hell i so ganjiong for? har?

sum... who r u? what the fuck that u so ganjiong for?

ntg to chat now??? feel good?

why i got nothing to chat with u? simple...
because..i really dono what i can say..just now ask u dont go yamcha..i will angry..u go.. i know u sure ned to do something..now ok lo..good lo 1.30 am..u still got thign to do..cant sleep now..

then now? u mah ned to rush ur work..n tell me, u canot sleep earlier..whats the point i keep ask u sleep earlier?

said also said ad lo..ask u dont go lo..now go jo lo..u got thing to do..ask u sleep earlier u also cant lo.. if i continue say..also no point..so?

what else i can say to u?

i really do not know wor.. really ntg i can say..this time.. really nothing jo...

Over again

make promises everyday..

u always break it on the next day..

hope to tell u my heart will fade away..

when u will know that i really will go away?


for u, this is a simple thing.

for me, it makes me worrying.


driving in sleeping mode,

how can i have a good mode?


went back home late everynight.

i am worrying whole night.

always give me reason to meet friends,

i dint say u cant,

just ask u to make sure u un.

that the situation is not same,

u need to make sure ur status has change,

everyday not enof hours to sleep..

i just...

WORRY

i know is a small matter..but u had promise me to do so..bt........

okie..stop..

i worry ..because for me..a small matter from u..
is a big matter for me..

this is because I CARE U

hmm...hmm...hmmm....

10th start sms dear...
11th start sms, call, and sms..
12th sms, call, sms... ask to out for dinner..

AGAIN.. she said want to have dinner togather because she want to discuss clearly about something..

THIS reason i had heard about almost 4 times.. is 4 times..

why u dont understand geh? i really worry.. everytime when u all meet up..then again happen the thing..

do u know? is really hard to trust that this time will not be same as last time.. not i dont believe in u.. just .. i hope u understand.. last time 4 time.. 4 time also have same result..

and i dont really think got the neccesary to meet her again..

how to say le.. if yee how keep call me, i dint answer.. he still call.. what u will say?

"why u dont answer his call already, he still call? gao lin ah." i think this is will be what u say to me..

i do not know u know the different or not.. just.. sometimes..somethign is obvious..she also know the answer.. why still like this.. she sanfu..want an answer.. i am not sanfu meh?


this few day u keep tell me she contact with u..sms..call..

really hope to tell u..when will all this be enought?

vyen..can it be enought? actually i feel suffer.. i just dont hope u "nan zuo" ..
yee how call me one day..u wan me to contact him less..u promise me u will not reply her..but is contineous 4 day u contact with her..

u say u will not contact with her..feel so sorry to me when u contact with her on the 1st day ..but then? why will keep continue contact with her? forgot what u promise ad?

i am getting good in acting already.. is this good?
sometime will cry in the night.. talk to the lamzam u gv me.. asking.. why u never think of me? think of my feeling? always say wana change.. making me hurt u dont even care...alot reason gv to me..but the reason u gv is concerntrate to her.. because she find u..so no choice..u ned to answer..because she wana chat..no choice mayb u wana meet her..

for all ppl.. u contact with her is a small smaal matter.. but for me..it really do hurt me.. when u promise..bt u break..u never try to hold ur promise..

why i need to recover from all this my own?

Break promises in the next day

yesterday.. u promise me u will not reply her and stop contact atleast for now..

today..u call her 1st..

sum.. izit so important that he call her 1st means he do wrong?

sum, izit they canot contact?

sum, izit so wrong they contact? even just friens?

sum, he already told u the truth, why u still sad?

i do not know.. i just feel pain..

now i am learning to trust and believing in him, forgot the pass..life hapily togather..

but.. within a week.. what u promise today, u also break it the other day..just the other day.. how i make sure i can trust in u?

do i make is too serious?

i am sincerely apologise.. just.. i take promise abit serious.. i very scare people break my promise.. like my mom.. she said i am a good gal, sure she will sayang, yea she sayang, but sometime whjat she did..really hurt me..

human also will be wrong right? so u dint really wrong right? cane forgive right?

vyen.. i just... really sad..u promise u wont contact her ..but 2day u call her..

how to say, i really never think of want u to stop contact her forever..i really dint..atleast...not this moment.. i just............................

and why u wana hide the truth from me .....

i hate it..can i just stop the fucking tears from droping...

six sense..boubt..worry..problem really occur..sad..control..keep it inside..hurt

9th Dec, i waiting u for whole night, i dont even get a sms, HA..start to think too much again..

isit u going to celebrate her bday celebration? did she call u? did u 2 sms?

STOP thinking..happily wait u home.. when u reached.. u said u will call me after..but i have wait an hour..when i call u, ur line engage.. FULL.. my mind full of the image that u calling her..sweet sweet talking..

Dear..Babe...

i hate this words...i hate..

i do not know how to stop thinking..i hope to cry out..but..is like tears just hanging there..

untill i sms u the second time.u still never reply.my heart.. is like stop function..

dial ur number, start to call u..

u said u SLEPT..

I am really sorry that i do not believe u i really hope to tell u sincerely i am sorry that doubt on u.. really really sorry, i just very scare all this happen again..


then 10th dec..
we had fun at the laundry with our geng, i am so happy that we can take pictures at the streets there..without arguement..this is what i thought..i very scare actually when we are going laundry and know that there is christmas decoration..

LAST YEAR........

okie..stop... i tot this year wil be ok..

BUT....Wwhen we on our way back home..u receive a message..FROM HER AGAIN..

"dear.. u forgot my birthday" ...honestly.. how shud i let go..feel nothing?
she is the 1 i mind alot.. i do not know what she want.. when we togather..she did said miss u..flirt with u.. we break up..she reject u..doubt on u..what she want? why she wana trewat u like this?

she delete ur fb..and now she sms with the opening DEAR...

is she is a normal fren..i will jeolous..bt..wont feel HARD IN HEART..

i do not know how to tell u.. i feel sad... i just hope u understand..i mind alot.. i am really scare..

and the IMPRANT IS u NEVER promise me u WONT CONTACT WITH HER.. i dint ask u do so at 1st..because i tot..u got ur rights, u know which will be the best way to ignore all this..prevent the problems happen again...
i tot..u said u NED TO HANDLE SOMETHIGN is means..atleast..in this meant time..the time i am healing from all this ....u wont contact her..maybe after ...u will contact.. i do not know... just..u never said what u will do... i feel unsecure... but...i also not really mean want u to say so...

i also hope to control my feeling..really..i hope i got cnfidence..

looking at our pictures taken..i really hope to upload and use as hp or msn pic..bt i remember..she said is irritating..and u delete it straight away.. this really hurt.. is like a scar that never heal...

do u know..i always dont post our pic..dont use it as msn pic.. i just feel like..i ad canot do as normal couple can do..

i hope to forgot all those unhappy thing... heart feel..not well... i want to forgot.

i really do......

Yesterday....

yesterday u just told me u will keep your promise.. u will back earlier..

oh ya..u got.. u back at 11:40..

in the mean time.. u neither call me nor sms me..

yea..u start working..thats y is common to be like this.. what so busy about u?

just having a diner with colleague and boos also can be so late..and even..cant gv me a msg?

sorry to say so..i really boubt on u that u celebrate with her..

haiz..what a stupid reason i gv myself..

sometime..i hope i am angry n show out..better than i keep all inside..keep my feeling.. i dont show to u..

trust me..later..u sure ask me dont angry of u..u back home before 12..

and when i ask u.. why u dont even gv me a msg...

sure u will say

this is because... u know i gona do my report.. and u are chating with boss.. thats y is not convenience to sms me.. besides..u wana gv me surprise..u wana back home b4 12 to show me..u do what u promise..

but if i am not wrong.. i said yesterday.. if u wana late home..let me know the time..

not late home ..means before 12 must back..

i dono how to say..i am not ur mom...

piss off..

SiGh... remind me again..

hate this...

i remember it again.. when u told me u are going to have diner with ur boss and will be late back home.. it remind me again..thurdays is her bday..

will it be posible that u date her out for dinner? ( this is what on my mind)

i hate that.. why i cant just believe in u?


i remember ron said, what make a guy to fall in love with another gal is because the gal friend make the guy feel frustrated and go find another gal..

is this really true?

is this the reason u go back to her? but why?

there is sometime that we are happily togather.. and u still back for her... why is so unfair?

change a position and say about this.. u had lied to me alot of time..make me hurt, sad, frustrated..

WHY DONT I GO FALL INTO ANOTHER GUY? just why?

i can stay..my heart is still with u.. but why? i really only fall into u..


u promise me u will do ur best start from now.. and u already break few promises..

u said this year christmas u cant gv me a present.. u will repay me next year..
do u know.. LAST year..u also said so..

i just want something which made from u..truely from ur heart...nt those thing i can buy myself..


u promise me u will back earlier.. this few day.. u also break ur promises..
start from last week.. u said u will do the best to show me.. may i know how consider the best?

a. promise me back b4 12am, and u reach by 1 am this call the best?
b. promise me back b4 12am and reall reach by 12am..

which is ur answer?

n these few day, u also promise me reach b4 12.. and every time also later than that..later one hour..so?

ur promise..shud i really care on..trust on? or trust half?

i donot hope to keep tell u must go home earlier because u ned to work the other day..i know i am annoying..it make me remind that when u are in UK.. i keep ask u sleep earlier..and u dint..i will realli abit mad..because i really care for u..u always said ur back pain..is not enof sleep..i really because care for u..that is why i mad when u keep play till so late..but

my care bring u far away from me..u feel annoying because of me..i really dont hope i will be back the yuen sum that when u at UK..the yuen sum u hate..u scare of...
i scare u promise me will sleep earlier..end up u dint.. i mad..


YEA, maybe for u, i also the same, promise u i will try nt to remember what is past..but i keep remember it..


i...i am really scare..can u please help me? i am scare that u are lie to me again.. everynight, i do not knwo do u chat with her.. like last time.. u did and lie to me..

i know i keep think like this is annoying.. i hate this also..

please.. let me forgot all those..

i am really suffer

Thank you for being patient

really thank you that u being patient to me..

i know i always think back what had happen..

i know it was pass.. but i really need time to changed and let go all those..

i am really thank you that u are really changing.. and be patient to wait for me..

thats for telling me all this.. i am glad to know it..

i am sorry that even u dont have money already and u still accompany me to go out.. just because i dont 1 to stay at home.. really sorry..

thank you for everything..

i know THE TRUTH

u said u never webcam with other ppl except me... u lied

u said she know ur UK ho number when at europe trip.. u lied ... she know shen in august..

u said normally is she find u to chat.. u lied..is u find her to chat..

u lie that u dint said miss her first...everytime is she said so..

what make me sad is.. u change our profile pic.. and.. i ask u why..u said just wana change..actually.. i know.. is she wan u to change..bcoz is irrtating.. n u really change it the other day..n never put it again..

i am so sad..this keep in heart for so long.. i do not know how to forget this..everytime when i saw the msn n hp wall paper changed to other ..i really will think back this..i dono how shud i let go..is suffer.. heart is really pain

and u said u dint chat with her when u at UK..very lessly.. but ..is almost everyday.. atleast 2 a week... why u need to lie to me..u said u dono how..bt u know u r love me.. bt why? why u can lie and do all this?

i am very happy with u this 2 day..but i dono... i will tahan till when.. sometime.. i really remind it.. i am sad..

honestly.. doubting a people is very sanfu..i really hope that i just believe u in what i do last time.. bt there is too many lies....

what i shud do?

i just dono how

i dono except here, where i can said out my thing. when u call me.. ask me what i do will make me feel better..then i said all ad..

u just oh..then rest more..what i shud think?

u make me feel more sanfu u know..i will really tot u will come fidn me or what..

ya..u stay too far mah.. right.. i said i go find u..u dont 1..u ask me stay..u know i canot stay..why ned me to answer again n again...

ask me do what can make me feel better.. after i said.. u dint really come and do that with me..then what is the point to ask?

Dear Brother

Brother,

seem like long time never wrote email to u.. i very miss u o.. brother.. i am abit lost o.. dono what to do.. do i am still me or nt.. i doing something which is nt liek me..

do u knw..i got alot of thing wana tell vyen.. but when i face him..i cant say out anything.. like.. the mostly was his ex..when he said ns, he use her bag.. we argue.. i also will link to her...

i am bit..beng kui le.. i dint say all this to him.. i dono.. i hope to stop thinking all this..

why i cant tel lhim? coz i know.. i will keep on think this few month d.. i am nt like him..say can let go then let go..

i dont want him sanfu.. i dont hope he keep on listening the same thing.. what i shud do?

i also dont hope i keep mention her..then he will think of her...

yesterday when i know kee wee got go for the gathring.. she was also tere...

i sudenly think of.. kee wee like those gal very pretty and shi wen.. how if .. a guy like kee wee woo her..

what respond will vyne have?

will he be mad or unhappy when she got guy woo her.. i think will..then how am i gona do with this?

i dont hope to keep think n worry all this...

i know i am sturborn,, i sure cant forgot al lthis..


i got think of let go vyen.. atleast..he wont suffer that always listen the remind of all this ..i really dont hope he suffer like me to..

honestly..izit i shud really make up a decision n let go?

day 2 failed

yesterday was so success.. i tot i will have a sweet dream, and yet, i dint..

i dream that u leave me, u dont even want to care about me and really want a break up..

once i wake up from the scary dream.. i feel more pik cik.. i keep feel something bite on me..i really cant sleep.. no aircorn..the fan is only facing to sister..i am hot.. but i cant take off blanket..

is how suffer ..i cant think too much.. canot think why they wan do liek this.. i really dono what shud i think..how to be positive?

they wan me to feel hot to keep fit?

got something bite me because bite me better than bite sister?

is very itchy..even some part is damn not well...

then so hardly i can sleep..but then now again..stomach pain..what the hell was this?

i just want to sleep..

ok..finally i can fall asllep again.. now my mum turn..keep on come in to my room.. switch on the light.. off it.. on it..

damn it... i just really tired..

okie okie..can sleep ad..then again.. sis turn up the volume when they want to watch movie.. pls la.. why dont u all close the door.. is really noisy..i really hate this..

everytime like this..when i got exam..u all already keep like this.. i just wana sleep...please dont disturb ppl..

i really do not know hwat shud i think.. u keep ask me to let go..dont think.. i dont think..then..i still feel.. i feel sanfu when stay in home.. i wana go out.. but then.. u keep said alot think that u r worry or how how how..

i just wan to relax...

okie la..when i feel better..stay at home..dont 1 u worry la.. then u call me to ask me go ur house for diner.. i really feel appreciate.. but i really got pressure there...

my mom nt really like me always go ur house..and then ..u ask me to overnight at u there... honestly..i also hope to overnight.. atleast i can sleep better.. but u know i cant..i already said canot..please dont keep said that..

u know how i feel? i really want to do so..but i still ned to reject u..u know how hard was that?

i am so sorry...

tried to be another me day 1

Today, I had tried to be another possitive me..

when i wake up, 1st time i do was smile , and sent a message to him..

i keep be patient to do my stuff.. and is really works.. i get to hit the target i suppost to have..

then when i meet u.. i really felt so happy, and keep smile with u..

u felt weird because i smile whole day..haha

i really enjoy that u accompany me to my gathering.. is so fun that we keep chit chta..

so sorry that i know u r so tired and yet u still fetch me back...

in the mean time..u told me kiwi attend ur NS gathering.. u also been invited..

normally..when i know u being invited..bt u dint tell me..i am sure..100% sure...i will emo.. but why 2day dont have geh?

coz i know she got attend.. if u are being invite..and u never tell me..sure i will think alot..like did she the 1 who sms u..bla bla bla..

bt..it seem like i just..dint really think..is this a good way?

honestly..i still hope u will be honest to me and tell me everything at 1st..is just like u want me to do so...

i do not know hat going on with me..i do not know this changes is good or bad...

but i know 1 bad thing.. when said about her..i really got abit dono how..

Dear God, can let me forgot about her?

what i can do leh?

I Love......

I love.....

you holding my hand and play with my fingers

your eye keep looking on me when we go shopping with a geng of our friends..

your care when i am really not well..

you holding my hand so tightly when you acc me to see doc..

you want me to accompany you when you are sick..

when u said u need my accompany.. make me feels i am important to u..

we hang out togather to do what every things togather.. like shoping, sport, trip..
but we never go to travel togather for only both of us..

i like u said very truely that u will love me forever.. and is only me..

you hugged me n kisses me tightly..

you listen to me carefully when i am talking..

you request for more kiss when i am home..

u put ur hand around my neck from behind and talk beside my ear...

u touch my head with a sweet smile..

I LOVE ALL this...

2nd dec 09

early in the morning, mom wake me up for a breakfast with big family. I was really happy, there is somethign happen, make me feel stress when i face the big family. i feel sorry to my mom n dad of being a shame..

i really to being think positive, everything will be fine, but again and again, what my mom said, really hurting me. i really dono how i should go on. i hope to get care from u. and u did, u do really care on me.

when reach home, i purposely stay home to acc u, i dint think of we will argue again.. i really hate the time when u sleeping, u talk to me, i really cant hear u, and when u mang zhang n repeat.. u really are so fierce.. i hate that..

is u asked me to wake u up when i finish my supper.. when i wake u up, i cant hear what u said.. i just know u said wana chat.. then i ask u sit n chat nicely.. u keep fall asleep.. thats why i keep ask u to go for a sleep.. sleep in confortable way.. but u keep lao gai..

ok.. when i shake the plastic bag to wake u up.. u scold me..i am sorry that i have scare u..bt i hate u scold me.. becos u said " people is really tired and sleeping.. why u want to disturb ppl" is u asked me to wake u up.. now?

what hapen on me? why non stop crying...

It was too late

I dont have the feeling towards u..

this was the thing i want to say out..i dono why i got this in mind.. but..

honestly, when ichating with u, i feel "bu nai fan" i said before, dont let me have the feeling, last time i already said i got this feelign when i know u lie to me..

this time, the feeling too strong.. i dont even feel like want to talk to you...

actually i am scare... i dont hope to be like this.. i just want to love u.. only u..

please dont make me hate u, scared of u...

i think this time is really too late that u r changed

arhhhhh~~~

When we chatting on christmas..i should STOP IT..

why i keep forgot this is a sensitive topic? stupid me..

i really think to buy u a laptop bag..honestly..i dont like u still using the old bag..is like..she never be away from u.. but i dint said anything..

i am thinking to buy u one, atleast when u are working you can have a suitable bag. thats why i said as a christmas present..

when u ask me izit wan u present the spec to me..i said not..coz i wan hp..

haha..mayb u will think that i am childish.. is just..i have get a proper gift from u mah..

other ppl bf so good..buy them alot thing... i am not wan those expensive or what..i want something which i will use everday and is close to me..

sometime, i really dono why i will think so negatively.. just like u go UK.. u bought me a bear bear..u said i never get 1 before. u hope to be the 1st one gave me..yea..i was really happy..just a bear..it makes my day happy..

but untill i know.. u bough one same as weny daughter... i dono how to explain the feeling.. is like.. shouldnt i be the special one? shudnt i can have somethign which ppl dotn have? u bought jersey for me..but u bought one for her too... haiz...

how should i think?

i said it out!!!

You promise me you will reach home before 12.
you promise me you will only smoke 3 cigrates per day..
you promisem e you will keep all your promise..

you break it.

isit so serious that u break ur promise?
i really do not sure..

just i really scare... why u always break ur promises to me ?

and always keep said " THIS IS THE LAST CHANCE.. WHY DONT YOU GIVE ME A CHANCE"

do i really dint gave u a chance?

i really dono how to trust u.. about THE LAST CHANCE u request...

u asked me to give u a last chance that u will never do that again..u will only love me..only me..

can i believe in u??

i cant believe i said it out..i said my feeling towards u had change..i know is hurt..but i dont hope is TOO LATE.. i dont hope untill the day i really dont love u anymore only i tell u is too late..

why u neer understand..sometime..is not all apologise can get forgive as reply..

sometime i really hope.. if u love her..jst back to her..atleast when u back to me from her..that time..i will know u really love me..

sound stupid right

getting more weird

Today, once again, when i meet you, i really got the feelign of want to hug u.

i hold you hand very tight, it just seem like u will leave me in the next second.

why i will have this kind of stupid feeling?

i think maybe is because 2day was your first day of working, and normally, this kin of event, she will sms u, ask u to be hardworking, good luck or how.

other than this,i think is also because, her birthday is coming soon, will you sms or call her ? honestly i dont hope, because everytime, when u start contact with her, then u both start to flirt again..

i really HATE MYSELF being like this..

izit if i let go now, i will feel much more better?