something I should say..

Everynight, when we were chatting, there is for sure, u will fall asleep.
Everynight, i also tell myself u really tired, next day i shouldnt border u oo much, should let u have a good rest.

But normally u will chat with me before we sleep is because this is the only time that we can share everything.

Today u said u have earned a comm, i really happy for u, wana say congrats, but i dont have enough time, when night time, u asked for a webcam, i on mylappy and wait about half hour, i knew. u slept again.

At 1st i really wana call u and make sure u off ur lappy and have a good night sleep, i know how tired are u. but i regret i did make this call. i asked u, what u were doing after my called. u answered " er..er..er....me? just now? why?"

do u know, i just want a answer from u, straight away answer, u can answer me u sleep.

but u answer me u r dreaming around..hahahaha..what a funny answer..then i ask u, why cant u just tell me u slept?

honestly, u really answer me in a rude way, u sad what is the diff between sleep and dreaming? why need to care so much, u did answer my question.

this answer did hurt my feeling,then i know u are tired, so i ask u to sleep, really ask u to go and sleep. and u ask me what is the problem now. izit u should answer me
"I AM SLEEPING JUST NOW" then only i happy.....this answer make me wana cry on the spot.

for u, i am really a person like this? wan u answer what my heart thinking..if nt match i should mad on u..izit liek this?


this few day, what hapen on u, what hapen on me.. r u really clear?

what my job interview? everytime i call u to report to u..end up u say u r busy need to meet client already..then i stop reporting..when there is something u dono, then u say me dint report to u..

can i ask, what is the best time for me to report? at day time u busy, night time u tired. i really tot wana chat awhile, what i think like this also wrong?

i really care for u, scare u nt enof sleep..

what i do also wrong

tell me what else i should say??

look at ur face..always look so tired..what else i wana chat with u at this tiring day??

and i hate u wrong me.. i wana discuss with u 2moro i should stay u there or nt..

u never discuss with me about this.. u just ask me to wait u keep ur thign and call me discuss..end up? u sleep ad..u never discuss with me..n i already decide i dont 1 to go u there..now u mad at me..u said u ad discuss..why i still decide nt to go..u tot i mad at u then dont 1 go,..

actually is i try so hard to discuss with u..n till now i also get respond..i ned to keep cloth also d..i canot liek this..say wana go then go.. u know d..thats y i wana discuss earier..why u say me like that???


what else i should chat with u?

there is no topic between us anymore...

SLeep

everytime when u said wana chat with me seriously, and normally i will say u wont do so, because u sure got thing will do or fall a sleep.

u deny it....so?? end up??

when u chating with me just now, do u know how many time u fall asleep?

honestly, i really know u are tired, thats y i ask u to sleep, but then u said u are ok, wana discuss with me.

but did u really think on my side? i try to talk to u, i repeat so many time, and u fall alsleep ad. and what u answer me was other thing.

for example 1, u ask me how, the customer care, u think is not suitable, i ask why, then u quiet ad, then talk alone, and i ask u why, u say nothing, u talk yourself only.

u ad talk with yourself more than 4 times, CAN U TELL ME HOW SHOULD I SAY ANYTHING ELSE??

if u are me.. what u will want to say??

i really know u fall asleep already, i ask u sleep, u ask me back why i like halk in the way " bu nai fan"?

please, how can i be patient? i really be patient n talk with u, listen what u try to telling me..

END UP, U TELL ME SS2..

honestly, i really shock when u tell me ss2..dono how to tell u..

i think we should really break up bah..

just now i get a email from fb, is ephine comment on andrew wall post.. because i comment before, so thats why i can see who else comment.. when i saw ephine, this name, i really feel not comfortable. next.. she ask andrew isit work at ss2.

end so "ngam" u say ss2.. i really do not know how should i think..

honestly. i getting more hate her..
why so funny, last time u said she dont like ur friend, because they always ask u out.. now why she comment?

i really dont think i can think in a clear mind already..always link to her..i want to get out from this kind of life.. even i really think she did something..u also protect her and say why i like to think so much..

so..i think so muc hla..i now wana stop thinking ad..

Last Dating for us

I really cant believe i told u. the inner of how i feel.
I really do know that I am annoying, I am nasty, I am not good enough.

I tried hard to forgot everything in the pass, but do u know, is very hard.
What I said that day is truely from my heart, I wana short break to clear up my mind, I really dont hope i still remember the thing.

do u know, when they call you, i will really remember that she keep find u. honestly , u want me to stop think about it, s really hard, really.. this is because, u and me also know, how much time she say u both just be friend? dont be like flirting anymore.. end up? what again?

really sorry, i know that is unfair to u. .bt i really cant forgot what u had done.. really canot..

why i dont 1 to see u.. is because when u apologise, or u come n find me ..i sure 100 % i will forgive u and good good with u..

dont u feel my changes?

like yesterday, u come n fetch me at midvalley. the day before, we say we wana have a break, end up, when i see u, u hold my hand.. then i really think of wana be with u.. dont u feel so?

dont u feel that how much i love u? i can forgive what u done even is damn hurt.. why dont u understand?


i really dono what i should do.. really dono.. i just feel scare whenever there is somethign hapen of i just saw her name..

yesterday u ask me why dint put our pic as my hp profile pic, i wana ask..then how about u? why u never put on fb? msn? hp?

do u know, when we said about this..it make me remember that she said "ur picture so annoying, change it now, i dont like it".. and more hurt is u really change..

sorry..i really canot forgot all this.. sorry.. it just keep reply on my mind..i really feel sanfu..

i really hope..this saturday..i will try my best to happy with u without argue.. as a last great memory of us..

SAD

I really dono what should I think now.
In this moment, i just feel like want to cry.
Is been a few week, i really dint talk to u regarding my things.
I wana go Uk, hope to chat with u, evrytime, u also say later, at night chat, when we start to chat about that, then u just ask me to think, and then nothing else.

everytime when i talk to you regarding all this, u will say u got gv me comment and suggestion already. but DO U REALLY STAND ON MY POSITION N SAY THOSE? REALLY THINK AND SAY?

i got jobs already, really do not know how, i ask you for your time to chat with me, u said wait u home, end up? u fall asleep again..

i feel very sad especially when u said "sometimes, ur thing ur emo thing, i really dono how to handle, why i ned to face ur emo, i just hope u can be happy with me."

i do not know how u means this.. but for me..it shows that u r NOT RESPONSIBLE.. how can u say like that? i am your galfriend.. why i wana chat all this with u? because i ned ur coment.. i wan listen to ur suggestion and idea..i do not wan to mak decision all by my own and do what i like.. bcoz now i got u..i am not alone..i canot do what i like ..just like i am single..why dont u understand?

u said u wana go gym.. ok .. is fine.. ur gym at 8 pm.. then? now is only 5 somehting..dont u feel like wana find me have a short chat?..U DINT COME TO FIND ME.. CAN U ATLEAST PLEASE REALLY CHAT WITH ME IN PHONE? but u chat with ur fren when he cal u..yea is really ok..what i feel angry is..after u chat with him.. why dont u call me back..nvm.. u cal me n ask me why i dint call u back.. u question on me..

hello..now is u..u dint call me..how i know isit u busying talking? n when the time u call me..i am in phone.. i just close phone n u called me.. how i wana tell u..u just keep say yea u r wrong..but i am wrong too.. hahah...

see....

AGAIN.. I HOPE U TO COME..AND U GOT THINGS TO DO..always like this..

or u wana say..u got THINK OF WANA FIND ME? u got THINK ABOUT IT RIGHT?

i wana tell u..i not wana evertme got thing also want u MUST COME N fine me..not like this.. is just.. u never really BE THE FIRST who find me.. i means..when got thing hapen.. everytime also i say" can u find me" or " why dont u find me" end up..u find me..

why canot u take the initiative..to find me when i am sad? why?

OR U WANA SAY..I ALWAYS EMO.. HOW MANY TIME U CAN FIND ME RIGHT????????


i always hope u will do so.. this is diff u know..

u always say u got THINK.. bt i NEVER FEEL the thing u think to DO...

my thing i should handle myslef..i shud do decision myself right?

honestly..

I DONT THINK I WANT A BOYFRIEND IS LIKE THIS.. I WANT A BOY FRIEND WHO REALLY CARE ON ME..NOT WANT ME TO JUST REPORT..IS REALLY TAKE PART IN ALL THINGS IN MY LIFE..NOT ALWAYS I WAN TO BE LIKE THIS..HE FOLLOW..

I HOPE HE ALSO TAKE HIS 1ST STEP TO TRY DO SOMETHING WHICH MAKE ME FEEL IT..

NOT THE BF THAT I REQUEST HIM TO PRESENT ME IN SOME SPECIAL DAYS..

NOT A BF WHO WANT ME REMIND HIM HE SHOULD GV ME SOME SURPRISE..

Choose This or That?

really headache on what job should i choose. At first thought wana move out, so that i no need to travel so much to work. End up, there is no office job which suitable for me.

there is few option,
1. fully sales job, will provide car, but what the job scope i not really like.

2. web sales job, at sunway, i like this very much, but need own transport, if i posses own transport, the office at sunway, how am i gona travel so far? i got think of wana buy a car, but travel from home to office also expensive..

3. office job, vyen's friend introduce, at submit usj, if stay there, also will it be convenience for me to work or nt.

4. customer service job, ntg can learn, but high salary, rm 2500, at the curve, can stay there, easy reach office as wel..

how should i choose?

really hope to have someone who really can sit down n talk to, can give me opinion, not asking me wht i like then go for it lo. i hope someone can listen, n really stand on my position to think and suggest me..

not when i say, if i move out, i pay rental also same as car, but car own myself..then he/she wil say.then buy car beter, since car will own by yours..

then when i answer, but car need pertol and insurance those, more expensive, then he/she will turn to the other answer and say..ya also.. the should stay out 1st..work only get car..

do u know how this feel? is like.. not really can give me suggestion..haiz

道歉

few question.

1. do i really love u?
2. can i forgive u?
3. what i really want?

I really appreciate u really care on me compare to last time, now, when i wana go for interview, u will purposely come and fetch me, this is because u worry about me when i go out take public transport. this make me warm, feel secure.

when comes to arguement, i really haveno idea how it should go. Simple, like yesterday, i am emo-ing because of how mom treat me. i told u all those then i keep quite, dint mad at u as well. this is because i am mature, i not like last time, when family give me stress.i will show it out to u.

i really tot i try my best already, but then i still will hope u will accompany more as u can, this is because i already been long time never show my sadness to u. but u dint say wana come and find me or what. i really know that u are working at that moment, all i want it, ATLEAST u got THINK of wana find me even though u CANT, BUT let me KNOW ABOUT this.

I am not God, i dono how u think, when u dint mention out, i wont know do u think before or not. THAT IS WHY i ask u "why everytime, when i really emo and sad, i hope u will be there, but u never think of wana find me"

why i ask this?? this is because, there been few time, i emo, and u dint mention u WOULD LIKE TO FIND me, u just ask me dont emo, and then tell me u are going to where n where n where later.. there has been few time the situation also same like this..
**i not means u never think of wana find me, but u dint say out, and REALLY EVERYTIME I EMO, U WILL BE SOMETHING THAT U NEED TO DO OR GO**

this is why i ask the question, then u said, "this depends on time n situation".. YES.. I KNOW..

posible reason / situation:
1. because if u working
2. petrol expensive, plus tol also.
3. u got things to do.

i really understand, if u answer me this few, i will understand. because I JUST WANT TO KNOW. yea i admit i hope u find me, but not when u are working, really not like this. i just think of " why you never think of wana find me after ur work? i know i got gathering, but then is at 10.30 pm, why u never think of find me awhile..really awhile to gv me support?"

BEFORE I RECEIVE UR MSG ABOUT UR BOSS ASK U FOR DINER TOGATHER I REALLY THINK AS JUST NOW WHAT I MENTION...but after i receive, i know is imposible u find me. so i just ASK.. REALLY JUST ASKIN.....

i am trying to tell u, i am asking.. but seem. my question make u mad...i really hope to cool down..so i close the phone..i am sorry.. but i really dont hope to argue with u.. i scare to argue..

NEXT

yesterday when we togather, ur friend call u and mention she is sad, dono what she should do. i just tell u my opinion, really, when a relationship first started, if the partner ex is coming back, as we, we should let go, let them be togather..

why i say so.. i also hope she can have her own sweet love. but i must remind.. how if the ex gf of the boy always did something wan him back.. can she really doesnt mind? can handle well?

the decision is on her.. but..this is what i will remind..

i really dint plan to argue with u when i said this.. but when i hear u say the ppl's ex gf is nasty, because she did alot of thing to get the guy back.. then i really just wana ask u..

WHY WHEN UR EX TRYING TO DO SO MANY THING to want u back.. then u still HAVEN UNDERSTAND MY FEELING?

all i want to say is.. WHAT SHE DID..REALLY HURTING ME.. even i believe in u la.. u only in love with me.. but there is really HAPPENED before that hurt still inside...

even she just sent a msg to u..will make me worry.. not means dont trust in u or what,,is really normal that i will scare..scare on being hurt again..u understand mah??

then i really feel that, when i talk about ur ex.. some LITTLE SMALL THING.. u will be MAD. like last time, i say i dont like what she did, why she wana do so..U FACE ALSO BLACK AD.. if u really doesnt care for her.. why u wana black face??

simple, when u said my fren yee how, u said how much u hate him, he is ci bai kia...do i black face to show u? bcoz i dont care on that person..what ever u say him..i wont angry..understand?????

I FEEL HURT.. when i ask u this ques in car.. u answer me " I JUST WAN TO BE GOOD GOOD WITH U.. THIS IS THE ANSWER.. " hmmm...why u always avoid my ques???

i am asking.. " DO U FEEL UR SELF STILL CARE ON HER, BECAUSE WHEN I SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT HER.. U WILL PROECT HER"

do u know..

after u answer me.. i stop chating with u.. i think u also saw my tears..

do u know why i keep quiet then can laugh n chat with u the next second??

i think... my heart really die this time..

AND

when at the midnigh, we yamcha with meimun, and the way u and her chat and comment on what i did, sudenly i have a strong feeling..

I CANOT JOIN INTO UR WORLD. WE ARE SO MUCH DIFFERENT. i realise, sometime, my thinking is totally different from u..u r trying to adapt to my life..and i am trying to adapt to ur life..right?

but 1 thing really funny..i really think sometimes, i am wrong.. like when siew ling call me..i will entertain herand dont choi u sin..i am really sorry..i really stand on my point of view which is ..she lessly call me..she just want to share her happiness with me.. while i dint realise i hurt ur feeling.. i am really sorry.. i know is my fault..but then..i like never gona change..i am not GOOD IN REJECT people..so i keep on trying to do what i think is right..instead IT MAYBE COULD BE WRONG.. i am so sorry

i really change, change to handle my thing myself..dont let u worry ..dont want to argue with u ..bcoz i really scare u dump me..

i know u are changing as well..i can see ur changes.. but there is one thing..

we NEVER UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER THINKING..NEVER WILL AGREE TO EACH OTHER.. even when we do agree that time, we are not really, we just hope to stay togather, so just accept and ignore.. as just like what i said..

this is why everytime, same situation hapen, we still argueing for that..

and i hope to tell u one thing


"when u did something wrong, DONT LET ME FIND OUT,
coz once i find out, i will feel HURT , SAD, and MAD. this is because :

i feel HURT that why u can do such thing to hurt me, not u say that u only love me, and will sayang me and wont hurt me like other do? why u dint tell me honestly?

i feel SAD when i think of why u wana lie to me? i already give u chance that u can choose between me and her. u choosed me.. i really love you, but i found out my care for u make u run away.. i am really sad

I feel MAD is because, i already give u few chances, why u still doing so and HURT ME AGAIN?

when i find out already, PLEASE BE HONEST TO ME, because when i find out already, u still trying to use other reason to cover, will make me more angry only.

and lao gong, when u said u r sorry, u promise u will do better in next, i hope u keep ur promise..

BUT ONE IMPORTANT THING TO REMIND...

NOT everytime when u apologize, i MUST ACCEPT and FORGIVE u..
u feel unfair when u already sincerely apologise.. and i dont forgive u??

then i ask u.. how about me? do u feel UNFAIR that i really love u.. and u did hurt me for ONE AND HALF YEAR?

is not a short period.. i do trust in u.. i do trust in u before..i use reason and tell myself i should trust in u..

but u make me dissapointed alot of time..

when u asked me yesterday, why i do not trust in u..honestly..how i should answer???


and sometime, really, what U REACT, REALLY GIVE ME SIGNAL that u still care on her.. i am not u..i dono what is really in ur heart..

try stand on my point of view.. one day u found out,the one u love, lie to u, and when u both sweet sweet togather that time, she promise u she will love u only, miss u that day.. and NOW U FIND OUT.. that day she say miss u, she also say miss to other ppl..

do u know.. how the feeling when now, u both togather..but when the time she msg u said miss u..how u will feel?? will u think of..if she honeslty truely miss me? or is the same missing other ppl as well?

do u know.. how hard i try to OVERCOME THIS FEELING??? TO TELL MYSELF..THIS TIME IS DIFFERENT..U REALLY MISS ME..ONLY ME???

i know maybe other ppl wont think like this..

i know i should not think back last time.. i really feel ur better now..i really do see ur changes.. i know u work hard on this.. i started to feel ur warm..but i really QUESTIONING MY SELF...CAN I REALLY DO IT? ???

i really try hard..i really do..I TRIED HARD to trust in u and let go last time..but it is very easy to remind me again..

i really no idea how to think ..

2nd........

do u know why i always request you to give me a present? i am not really want a present..all i want is the heart ..the heart that u, YOURSELF, WANA PRESENT something to me..THE FEELING thta when u go shopping, u FEELS THERE IS SOMETHING some products will make u remember of me, wana give it to me.. do u know.. untill now..i also keep remember u said u will PRESENT ME A GIFT AS FOR late christmas present.. i told u..even is a card i also ok..but till now..i also haven get it..
i am really a stupid person, i really will sometimes, hope to get a small present from u..i doesnt care that is a hand made card, a picture of yourself, a small bear bear, a scarf, a pen or even a bottle... is...i just hope u can do what u promise me..

3rd......
last time, i wont tell u how i feel, i wont raise out my opinion, is u teach me that i should say out what i want, how i feel, i am learning.. thats y sometime, when we argue..i really think u misunderstand what i mean, i will keep EXPLAINING TO U, i just ..in my heart..i just wan to explaining..i am really sorry if i really say it loud or how..because..i very scare people "MISUNDAERSTOOD" ME...really sorry..i am really sorry

when yesterday, when i see so much different in me n u..and i really keep trying to tell u how i feel.. i dont want to be missunderstand..i trying HARD TO EXPLANING ..but.. we still have arguemtn..u said I ALWAYS "FEEL HOW U THINK AND PLACE IT TO U..AND NEVER LISTEN TO U"

I REALLY FEEL THAT I AM BAD..I AM NOT GoOD.. why i am like this.. i really do hate myself..

do u know.. i really hope i can have a remote control, go back to the day u apologize with me..this is because....

"我不想要你的道歉,因为,爱我的话,就不会做出一些要和我道歉的事情"

we all know that u love him more than he do..

"we all know that u love him more than he love you"

this sentense, i hear alot of time before, even some of you guys said i am really stupid, why i can tahan all this.

I really do not know, what i know is, i will do my best, to be a good galfriend.I really hope we can be good good togather.

Honestly, i really trying my best, there is alot of things u done i also forgive u. some times when i feel something, when i ask u, u said nothing, u gave me your reason, i also try to believe is true.

even end up, i found out u lie, when u apologise, i also forgive u.

but WHY? why that day my ex call me, u argue with me, u tell me how suffer u are because he keep contact and wana find me out . is already half year, my ex still find me, u feel suffer.

i really hope to tell u, my ex find me half year..u suffer
ur ex keep continue to find u more than 1 year and half.. who is more suffer????

2nd.. he find me within half year..i NEVER MEET HIM ONCE... u suffer...
ur ex find u in 1 and a half year... u meet her more than 5 times.. i dont suffer izit???

i am very sad, when i am trying to tell u, i know how u feel when my ex find me..i really wan to tell u, i will not meet him.. I WILL TALK TO HIM, SAY MY BF DOESNT LIKE, DONT FIND ME.. i really plan to tell him..when i talking this to u..i never thought u will yield at me and said dont talk about ur ex.. dont talk others..now is talkng bout my ex..

i just wana tell u the different.. i wana let u know..how to do is the BEST WAY for both of us..

I just wana tell u..i will tell him we stop contact..and i will do it..to show u..
to let u FEEL BETTER..

i HOPE U WILL do the same for me.. u know.. u always said..u dont hv feeling with her anymore..but u did not do any thing like i will THINK TO DO IT ..TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER... u dint answer her call is because i REQUEST.. not u will think of doing it..

u know.. this is really different...
i request u do.. and u decide ypurself to do so..is much much different!!!

like me.. i can dont 1 answer his call.. because i think this will hurt u.. u know why i answer his call?

sorry to say so..but sometime..i really purposely 1.. i am trying to tell u how i feel...

but end up..i find out is very bad..and i really stop answering his call..

i do not know how to express my feeling.. bt u really did not take initiative to get out of her and make me feel more secure...

i really do now how to tell u all this..

actually..that day onwards..i really still mind alot.. i mind that u stop me from saying.. u dont gv me the chance..

a New Year.. i hope is a brand new start

31th dec 09, we argue again. but also because of this arguement, make me have a clear mind that we both really change for each other. I felt great when you try hard to tell me how u feel in a nicer way. Honestly, before i go mei mun house, i really feel complicated, i really hope u enjoy with your friends, but i also hope u spend with me the time which u had promised.

End up, we go for both places togather. I am really happy because i really feel ur care and how much important i am to you. And that day we win some money in the genting casino, haha, do u know, i feel happy, really really happy, but is not because of i win money, is because i spend time with u.

1st Jan 2010. a brand new day for us, both of us spend time togather, earlierin the morning when i wake up, i saw u. this feeling is really nice, i like u hug me and kiss me to tell me how much u love me. Even we just go to see doc, then shop a while to buy snacks, it was really awesome..the feeling is great.

2nd jan 10, haha we cook togather 2day, really fun, but i know u dont like the spegatti sause right, really sorry for that, hope next time can cook other meals to you. is really fun when we cook and try togather.. try this and that, i really 1st time cook so much thing on my own.. haha especially the mushroom..haha really hope u like it.. i know is not delicious, but i will try harder next time..

Do you know, that day onwards, i keep tell myself, i must trust you, trust u can do what u promise. i do not know u realise or not. even that day, ron told u ephine was at genting that new year eve, we saw her pic on facebook. my heart feel uncomfortable, i really worry u will back to her, when u look at her pic, i will think, will u miss her or .........i hate myself like this.. i promise i will b better..

i try to control myself and dont mind so much. i do not know u realise this or not.. just i hope i can work hard to make u feel better...

3th jan 10.. when u fetch me home, i got a hard day at home, mom really angry on me, and what she do n react really make me feels hard.. but i am really thank you that u sms and acc me..

i wont forget that u call me when u are home.. then u said u wana sleep.. 10 minutes later..u called me.. and u said..

" I miss you so much, just want to tell u i really miss u..good niight "

new year, new hope, new wishes...

I HOPE WE BOTH WILL BE GOOD GOOD TOGATHER.